Sui Generis Me

New Start

2010-05-18T19:37:00.001+08:00

Decided to have a new start... blogging at taixiang.blogspot.com now.

Mental Health First Aider Course

2010-02-08T12:51:00.000+08:00

Previously, my impression of mental illness is simply reflected in the word “crazy”. This idea has been brought forth by years of cautious words given by my parents and my short interactions with people in public that are acting abnormally. The fears of the mentally ill are not just about their abnormal behaviours, but rather the uncertainty and lack of knowledge of the conditions. I try not to treat them weirdly, so my natural response will be to ignore their presence.

During the course, the different kinds of mental illnesses were a surprise to me, not because of the number of mental illnesses but rather how common some symptoms and signs are. Some of these common symptoms become mental illnesses just because the individual is unable to cope with it and without treatment eventually becomes mentally ill. Thus, I believe that the most important thing being a mental health first aider is to identify the early symptoms of mental illness and knowing when to seek professional help.

However, I believe that in dealing with mentally ill patients, no course would be able to truly teach someone the correct way in handling situations. The more important thing is to treat mental illness as an illness and not reflective of the person himself. Learning mental health first aid will help in my role as a teacher to ensure that I will be able to help my students with their mental health and to do self-check to maintain my own mental health.

My fellow colleagues

2010-01-26T11:54:00.004+08:00

My fellow colleagues from the school that i taught for contract teaching before going to NIE. Who says teachers can't have fun!

Apparently our usual hangouts are the boardgames cafe.

And according to them we usually eat Japanese food too.

And it all started with singing....

More on Thinking Positively

2010-01-15T14:42:00.002+08:00

A paragraph from the Thinking Positively article that i was reading previously:

"We live in a world full of sceptics and cynics. They consider themselves to be particularly realistic and do all they can to highlight the wickedness and moral dishonesty that they think are the natural essence of man. They are convinced that every act of generosity and kindness has an ulterior motive and that nobody does anything unless he gets something in return. It is much easier to become cynical and critical in negative situations than to act and fight to improve things"

It's a food for thought, which i have to admit that i am guilty of becoming one. I believe that i am a clear cut pragmatic person, which is as a result of the Singaporean culture that we cannot be complacent and must be competitive. I used to think that such way is just being shrewd, but i guess i am second guessing my thinking now. The reason being after travelling around for a while, i can understand the need for being so suspicious, but yet at the same time i found true kindness and friendliness.

The start of a new year

2010-01-11T23:47:00.002+08:00

Just a decade ago, i was taking my O' level. At the turn of the new decade, i am in NIE (National Institute of Education) training to teach at secondary level. I have not been talking much about my teaching experience in my blog, but i guess now since i am in NIE, i could probably post some reflections about what i have learned.

Today is my first day of class, 2 hours in Educational Psychology, which is supposed to teach us about the learning process and how students learn. One of the articles that i have to read so far is about thinking positively. Plainly speaking, it is about whether the cup is half-filled or half empty. In this article, i found some rather encouraging and interesting food for thoughts.

"whoever retains the capacity to appreciate beauty will never grow old"

"beauty and ugliness as such do not exist, rather it is our thoughts and attitudes that make something beautiful or ugly"

"we should not use up all our energy in trying to change those aspects of our lives that cannot be altered but rather work hard to change our attitude to them"

At the start of this new decade, i just hope that i can too think more positively about life. I need to clearly sort out what is required and what is wanted.

Today in history of my life, 15/10/09

2009-10-15T17:31:00.002+08:00

I have decided to pen down events or happenings that should be marked in my life calendar simply because it's ichiban (first) or memorable enough, at least to disclose to the public audience.

So today in history, is my first invigilation briefing for national exams, which is the upcoming O' levels. I will be still staying in my own school, assigned to invigilate the isolation room which is to house any sick students but can still continue with their exam. Teachers from 3 other schools were there also, words were exchange and gossip started among us. Seriously teachers can be like students too.

Today, after finish marking some sec 1 physic exam scripts, i got the sec 2 physic scripts today and i must say that it is easy to mark. Easy to mark because i just draw a cross and give 0 simply because so many questions were not attempted.

Today in history, i thought to myself, that i am glad that i have learn to adapt to situation and condition, but i am not sure myself if that is a good thing, because i can potentially lose my interest in a few days. Well... not entirely lose the interest, but more like i do not care whether it happens or not. Maybe happy that things happen, but will not be unhappy just because things do not happen.

And last today, it's tgiaf which is thank god it's almost Friday. Although i am not that religious and monotheistic.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs

2009-10-14T21:44:00.003+08:00

I learnt about Maslow's hierarchy of needs during my university when i was taking Management and Organization module i believe. Basically, Maslow's hierarchy of needs reflects on the needs of human beings to achieve happiness. More can be found on the wonderful wikipedia about the topic.

So this pyramid suddenly came up to me when i am evaluating my life. I have no problem with my physiological and safety aspects just because my parents have provided for me a relatively comfortable life. I am still trying to come to a conclusion about the upper levels, to what extent does the factors affect my happiness. Because i believe that the factors are based on personal preferences, like if one is happy with just having one good friend, no reason he/she should be any more unhappy than one who is not content with hanging out with like ten friends or something.

All i know is, my esteem level of happiness apparently have regular recession like the semi-conductor industry. In fact i think now i am going through some low self-esteem phase, which probably have to be overcome by some self-pampering or some sort. O well, what to do, even though i know that i am really quite lucky in various aspects of my life, i always wonder if anything i can do to make it better. But then again, i do not know what is better...

Distractions

2009-10-13T18:02:00.002+08:00

Been lazy to update my blog, simply because i have been rather busy (or rather not as slack as before) at work. Teaching is not easy, but it is not impossible either. Basically these few months have been for me to adapt not only to working life, but apparently for me to understand new concepts, concepts that i thought i knew but apparently i don't.

After weeks of slacking at home during the weekends, i have decided to venture out and do stuff during weekends. Be it exercising or even meeting up with friends to hang out or do stuff, going out is simply a ritual, a ritual of life and i am trying to live it. With new experiences, i have been rather confused, confused about my ideology and my predictions. I thought i knew my path, but apparently things came up and threw me off my direction. The frustration felt familiar, like i have experienced it before. However, as much as i wanted to just let the confusion pass and ignore it, some part of me would rather the situation will turn out differently. Because sometime, the things you want maybe only be the things you want on the surface and vice versa.

Talking about teaching, it is not just about passing on knowledge, but like the new moto of teachers, to lead to care to inspire. Sounds familiar to me, much like the moto of OCS where it's to lead to excel to overcome. Basically the moto will outline the requirement of the job, which means i am suppose to motivate the students and care for them. Being a Gen Y (or X i am not exactly sure), we are a generation of selfish and self-centered individuals, i am not sure how much concern i can show to the students. Probably i am more interested in their gossip or something, but anyway this post is not about my teaching life.

This post is more about distractions, distractions that pull you away from your original direction. For me, this time the distraction is motivation, motivation to change, to change my current state of life. To no longer treat everything as simple and normal, but rather appreciate the small things in life. Because what else can i do when i am just ordinary, ordinary enough so that nothing spectacular will happen to me, or i hope so. Deep down, i do not know if i would want something spectacular to happen to me, because i did have a small taste of something that is spectacular to me and i must confess i do not know how to handle it to my biggest advantage. For now, my action will be just like a predator, just watch and wait before deciding on my next course of action.

True Blood

2009-08-22T08:57:00.004+08:00

I have been watching this drama True Blood from HBO for quite a while now. Now it is into it's second season and 9th episode. True blood is a vampire themed drama, but it is not twilight styled vampire themed where a big chuck of the story is for teenage girls to go gaga over how good looking is the male vampires.

True blood talks about an alternate reality, where vampires exist in our society and co-existing around humans in the open. The show encompasses political aspect, where vampires are trying to fight for their rights in the society, much to the dismay and rejections of the churches because of the nature of vampire, which is thought to be an evil being. Apart from the political struggle, romance is an essential part of every story, so obviously the story of a forbidden love between a vampire and human is touch upon. Well, inside the show even vampires and humans are allowed to get married, so not exactly forbidden but frown upon by many people. There are also shape shifters who can transform into any animals he set their eyes on. Currently, the story also focus on a mysterious character, who seems to bring out the inner desire of human, especially the sexually component.

The story is set in the town of Louisiana in the United States and apparently all the characters who are locals talk with a funny accent. The show is getting quite interesting because of the mysterious character and a possible all out war between the vampires and the church. I'll leave behind the True blood opening credit, which i found to be rather weird.

Invigilation

2009-08-19T18:02:00.003+08:00

Today is my first day and first time doing exam invigilation. This week is the common test week for secondary 1 to 3, which kind of reminded me of my times doing tests and exams in school. Exams were always boring for me, largely due to me being able to finish the paper before the allocated time. This resulted in lots of waiting and being a rather impatient boy back then, waiting is really a chore. Until i got into university, the exams were normally less boring, because more often than not, i do the paper until the end of the given time, and probably still got 20% of the questions blank.

Giving exam instructions to the students have been the topic between all the contract teachers, because most of us just came out from university, so we tend to recap the instructions given during our exams and tell them to the students. This kind of made me try to remember what i was told during my own secondary school exams, which obviously i cannot recall as well. But i guess the essences of what is being said should be similar.

Other than the boredom of doing exams, i can't really remember how my test or exam schedule went. The subjects which i am taking, physics and maths are all on Friday, which means that even though i might be slack for the next two days, i have no paper to mark, which kind of suck because i might actually need to use my weekend to mark (if i need to mark that is). At far as possible, now i am still trying not to bring work back, which i have been successful thus far.

The flaws of man

2009-08-18T20:21:00.002+08:00

During my spare time i have been watching documentaries about the rise and fall of Rome and history of Britannia. Coupled with my few weeks of teaching in school, somehow i came to observe certain flaws of man.

Firstly, the resultant force of a group of people is not the summation of the individual forces of the people inside. A group has the energy to booster one confidence to do something that he/she might not dare to do as an individual, which may not necessarily be good. Of course team work is beneficial, but rioting as a group is truly hard to handle. This applies to students too, because a class of 40 has the power to bully the lone teacher, but if the class is reduced to maybe a class of 10, the class is like a tiger with decaying teeth and could hardly bite. Thus, the flaw of man is when man gather, it serves as a double-edged sword.

Secondly, society on the whole is irreconcilable. The elites will never forgone their power and influence so that the poor will a better life. And the poor will remain poor because they have no capital to earn more money, and the elites would probably come up with some reasons to justify why the poor remain poor. Moreover, every groups of people has their own interests and to align their interests such that it could possibly become a common interest is truly impossible. It is kind of just like how teachers think that students are getting worse these days, while students think that teachers are so boring and full of crap (generalizing and stereotyping which may or may not necessary be true).

Lastly, man probably has the eyes for the best and the worst, often overlooking the ordinary. We want the best, so we look out for the best. In our search for the best, we know the worst so that we can avoid them. Ordinary means normal, which is often equates to not good enough. Why am i ranting about such random stuffs? Because today in class i realize that i only notice the 'famous' students, be it for the good or bad reasons. But the point is, when i tell this to anyone, most of them will tell me it is normal. Which made me think, what is normal? Normal to overlook the normal people? Or is it normal to overlook the ordinary students just because they are not out to give you any trouble.

Weird thinking on my part, not to mention rather lousy English i reckon, but my mind is not functioning properly at the moment. I think i should blog more about my experiences and my thoughts in school.

Random political thought

2009-08-16T20:52:00.002+08:00

For some unknown reason(s), i am actually grateful to LKY for fighting for equality among its citizens instead of accepting privileges to the natives in return for existence in the country. Else, now i would probably be a second class citizen with limited opportunities, especially in the public sector.

Short break

2009-08-10T22:30:00.001+08:00

Hmm... apparently blogspot is kind of acting up these days. Tried to load the website but somehow the layout is kind of weird. Anyway, a bit sian to update my working life and stuff now, because simply feeling sian lol.

Might start again soon, probably really soon....

P.S. If you find you can't load a webpage, just do a ctrl+f5.

Mad World

2009-07-22T00:02:00.004+08:00

Pardon me if i am late on listening to Adam Lambert because i don't really watch American Idol. I like Kris Allen's No Boundaries, but Adam Lambert's Mad World is unique. Being so haunting and enchanting like so many people had said, so here it is Mad World by Adam Lambert.

400th Post

2009-07-20T00:18:00.004+08:00

Although 400 posts is not a lot within a span of 4 years, i think it is still kind of cool. I remember starting my blog when i started my university life. Why i remember when i started the blog? Not because i look back in my archive, but rather i remember i got my dad to bought me a Samsung clam phone, which i lost early in the semester and blogged about it. How time flies, it has been 4 years and i have graduated from university. But looking back, it sucks while studying Electrical Engineering in NUS, so stressful. It is a kind of a small miracle how i managed to drive through the 4 years and still graduate with a second lower class honors.

I am still feeling rather lazy in uploading the rest of my graduation photos, i think i'll probably do it this coming week since i have finally stop working for my dad in preparation for my teaching job. This week will be my shopping week! I have to get my working clothes and probably something more stylish to add to my otherwise rather disastrous wardrobe.

O well... end of 4 years in my university, confirm must be grateful to my parents for providing me the financial means to go through my 4 years of study. Even though i might be pissed at my parents at times, i know they still care for me and have done their very best to provide for me.

- Me and my parents

Like what my dad said, my ATM function is finally in operation, or maybe in another few months because my first pay day is in Sept!

Convocation

2009-07-14T10:31:00.005+08:00

My convocation is finally over! It was a rather boring ceremony and lots of waiting. I think i was quite high that day because i have officially graduated and like taking photos with my friends (despite i think my face was so oily that light literally reflects off my face). The crowd was a killer as usual, but photos from the commencement, courtesy of Eric who brought his camera.

Thanks to all my friends who came, Eric, Zhoujing and Sini. And to Ailian and Cailing who congrats me for my commencement hah.

Me and Sini.

Me and Zhoujing.

Me and Eric.

I have not uploaded the photos i took with my exchange friends, so probably will post them in a later post. Also went to school to some graduation photos with my friend yesterday, with his friend as our photographer. Hopefully i will get some decent photos because apparently i was told that when i smile, i look rather aunty! */rolleyes*

Anyway hopefully this will be my last week of work at my dad's place, a week break followed by the start of my contract teaching. Up till now i have not receive my school posting yet, probably too many teachers for MOE to post. I read in the newspaper today that MOE has already recruited pass their quota for teachers for 2009 last month, which kind of true that during recession a lot of people really apply for teaching. But how many of this numbers actually stay on after the recession is a question. I do hope that after my contract teaching i would actually like teaching and would stay on.

Tomorrow is my graduation - July 10th

2009-07-09T12:50:00.002+08:00

After 4 years of mostly unhappy time in NUS, i finally managed to graduate with a second lower honors in Bachelor of Electrical Engineering. There are a lot of reasons on why i was mostly unhappy during this period of time which i may or may not have blog about previously, but i am just glad it is finally over. The months and years ahead may or may not be smooth, but i know that at least it is the path that i wish to walk in. Whether i walk away or continue down this path, at least i have tried and have the answers to my doubts.

Some says that the end is the start of new beginnings and i kind of agree. Because to me, apparently once each phase of my life ends, the amount of ties brought forward seems to be really limited. Even though the experiences follow me and guide me in my further endeavors, the amount of lost friendship often made me ponder on my actions and behaviors.

At this crossroad of my life, i seek to understand my life thus far. If anything i need to know, is that despite how i am unhappy with certain aspects of my life, i probably have more blessings than the average person and i do know that i need to cherish these blessings. As i hope for clearer sky and a safe harbour in my working life, i am thankful for what i have been through and for the people around me. Viva la vida!

K Ktv!

2009-06-29T20:57:00.002+08:00

After a rather spontaneous ktv session last Friday after a lower secondary class gathering at Safra Jurong, i found that i really like to sing this song by Yogo Lin. It really feels like shouting all the way hah.

On a side note, i am quite pissed today. Not at anyone or anything, but it is like how i got caught in the rain. It just happens, and you can't really blame anyone for it, not even myself.

Natural Instinct or just Paranoid

2009-06-26T09:38:00.003+08:00

Have you ever felt that all your instincts are telling you that you have probably been taken for a ride, but you are just enjoying the ride so much that you can't seem to stop unless the car crashes, with you probably half dead or something.

Or is it just yourself being paranoid over seemly small details which probably give and serve no purpose.

Then again, typically natural instinct occurs when survival is in question, so maybe gut feelings might be more appropriate to describe such feeling.

So... i suspect that my weekly diet of KFC is causing me to gain weight, or it might be my physical training that is causing me to gain weight because of new muscles.

Delusional or not, 3 more weeks to end of my remedial training, but not like it actually matters anymore since i probably will have nothing interesting going on because of swine flu and some other things.

On a side note, below is a song by Lily Allen call Fuck You. I find the title and the rationale behind the song rather interesting. If this song is ever play in Singapore, the title would probably be *tu* You.

Looking forward to try to take a few days off to relax next week.

IPPT

2009-06-25T21:42:00.001+08:00

Sian, today took my ippt and fail my 2.4km run by 5s, freaking 5 seconds! Almost want to die liao after running. Sigh... better efforts next time :/

My Immortal

2009-06-22T23:32:00.001+08:00

This song bring back memories, lovely and sorrowful memories alike.

Things that slipped pass me which i did not grab hold on, but luckily there are still great starts.

Random thoughts

2009-06-18T23:38:00.002+08:00

Things change and people change.

Is it because of change in expectations or merely because we forget about how things used to be. I always thought that perceptions are what determine how we think, but apparently expectations are what determine our perceptions.

I don't want to be the waiting one, but being the active one cause the change in expectations, only to realize that something is missing, is gone.

The component that is gone is the priceless and rare touch of friendship.

Maybe it is time to give my own advice to myself.

A Beautiful Mess

2009-06-17T21:38:00.003+08:00

The weird colour combination currently of my blog is kind of like the beautiful mess in my mind. Ok, maybe not so much beautiful as compared to being a mess. A beautiful mess is of course the song by Jason Mraz, which i find it rather charming.

Another song that i find rather luring is 21 Guns by Green Day.

Been a boring day and boring night. Could have been a nice night but seems like it is not going to be. Suck to just wait for things to happen, especially when i have already put in so much efforts. It is really karma, what goes around comes around and now i am on the receiving end.

New graphic card!

2009-06-15T10:28:00.004+08:00

Yea after so long finally bought a decent graphic card for me to game with! Although it's weird because i have kind of stop hardcore gaming these days, so buying a good graphic card only after i stop gaming is kind of strange. But i have gone back to play World of Warcraft and waiting for Aion beta event this weekend. World of Warcraft is boring because unless you actually raid, it is not fun at least for me. I hate to do dailies, hate to do crafting and only doing instance can be fun. However, raiding means i have to commit myself to play the game regularly in order to have a raiding slot, which i am reluctant to. So it kind of suck to play a game where the part you enjoy the most is impossible without putting in tonnes of time.

Anyway, so the graphic card that i bought is ATI Radeon HD4870 1GB which i bought at $299 at the IT fair. Not sure if that is pricy, but actually i intended to buy nVidia GTX260, but the price was quite steep at $359. Initially not sure how to install the graphic card because it is so much bigger than my old graphic card, had to move a lot of cables and stuff. Credit to Alvin for helping me successfully install my graphic card, although my mistake was a simple but stupid one for not attaching the power cord :/

Now waiting for Aion beta this weekend to try out the game. The characters inside can get wings! So nice to play classes that looks like angels lol.

Emptiness

2009-06-07T16:58:00.004+08:00

It is funny how the emptiness in one's soul can be so bottomless and small at the same time.

Bottomless when there is nothing to look forward to but no matter what i do i can't seem to fill it.

When there is something to look forward to, nothing seems to be able to fit in because it is already filled by simple happiness.

Looking forward to coming week, minus the boredom of work, but i guess life cannot be completely enjoyable right? Else no one can differentiate the joy.

On a side note, my "graduation trip" might be canceled just because of some student came back from Melbourne with swine flu. I am still crossing my fingers :x

Happiness

2009-06-02T09:32:00.003+08:00

A period of happiness does not necessarily means everything is going really well. It may just implies that the major issues are going smoothly with some hiccups occurring in minor issues. How to define major or minor? I believe that events or factors that can potentially affect our lives in the coming few years are significant enough to be major, while if they do not exist anymore in the next few months will be minor.

So, getting my realistic ideal result in my last exam is major because it actually affects my future pay as a teacher. Able to clear all pre-employment checks for my employment is major because i have a job that i am waiting to start in 2 months. Minor stuffs are thing like my temporary employment where i find myself being a sai kang warrior as i was during army, doing things just for the sake of keeping me occupied or something.

However, there are always more important things that can make one happy, which i am glad to say that i am really now. A few weeks ago i was still worried, but as fate has it, my worries were unfounded. I am not really religious or anything, but i just grateful for the greater being out ther for letting me finding my happiness.

On a side note, i find this song from Kelly Clarkson new album rather nice.

Graduation!

2009-05-29T21:54:00.002+08:00

I was rather comprehensive about my result but with a stroke of luck it actually turn out quite well. Called Choon Kiat to help me check my result as i was out delivering goods, but he was out too. Luckily, he was on the phone with Hui Chuen so he conference-called us and i asked her to help me check. In the end, i managed to get 2nd lower honors with a C.A.P of 3.53, an increase from 3.45. I was really excited and almost burst out into joy in the middle of People's Park Complex. My result, B+ for my final year project, A- for both my networking and financial accounting and C+ for my power protection system. Despite the ugliness of the C+, i am still grateful for getting 2nd lower.

This week is really a great week! Tried on the academic dress and bought some NUS clothings just to wear at home. Work was boring as usual blah blah blah, but effectively i only worked 3.5 days this week. The week ended with joy from my result, but there are more things to be celebrated! Well not really public firework or what, but still private fun :) Now celebration awaits haha

Drowsy

2009-05-20T09:04:00.002+08:00

Woke up today feeling like having a hangover.

Last night seems to be a partial mess in my memory even though i remembered what i have done.

But still, it feels so spooky :/

Must be the lack of sleep.

My weekend

2009-05-17T21:13:00.002+08:00

This weekend was a bit different from my previous typical slacking + staying at home kind of weekend because of 2 events. Today morning is the start of my remedial training for my ippt at Maju camp, which saw me spending 2 hours there just to listen to a briefing and run 1km. Seems like the inefficiency of army will never disappear. Second, my sister car got bump from behind by a Malaysian car and had to go with her to the police station to make a report. Took like 1 hour and it is my second time at the same police station. The first time was when i had to change my address on my IC after i moved house.

Side note, i am watching couple of foreign movie and a few is worthy of mentioning because of their traumatizing effects. These movies are not necessarily the best or worse that i have watched among the movies that i watched recently, but worth mentioning because they are different. The first is the French movie Le Dernier Jour or The Last Day. The movie is really very slow until i fell asleep watching it and feels like a 2 hours movie which could possibly be shortened into maybe 10 minutes or something. Apparently the movie is suppose to portray a feeling of total emptiness and despair, but i failed to catch it because everything is so subtle. Most of the storyline seems to be up to interpretation, because when i was reading the comments on imdb, i was like did this really happen? Then again, the movie has a really impactful last scene which i shall not do a spoiler.

The second movie than i was rather traumatized is Mandragora. The story is about child prostitution in Prague and after watching it i was in a bit of shock. The impact cannot be put into words, so let's just say that i am traumatized. I also have some French movies talking about the chaotic situation in France during the late 1960s, but i have not watch it yet though i wonder what is the history behind it.

Going to start working at my dad's next week, though in the meantime going to prepare for my teaching job, go for remedial training and acupunture and physiotherapy. I went to see specialist for my neck last week, and have to go for MRI that will cost between 250 to 550. Damn, all these medical fees :/

WTF

2009-05-14T00:08:00.003+08:00

WTF!!! Watching a movie can get my emotions high and just smash it within minutes.

Seriously a redefinition of tragedy.

Sad ending is worse than a bad ending.

O well, life suckz...

I am not crazy, just a bit emotional.

Tomorrow going to visit my Grand-aunt in the hospital finally, and submit my FYP stuff.

Almost graduation

2009-05-07T23:18:00.003+08:00

Finally my exams are over, although i still need to finish up my final year project for submission.

My room is in a mess because as part of my ritual to move on, i need to clean up my room, and in the process tried to throw away as much useless stuff as possible to make my room emptier.

Hoping that i can go traveling before i starting working, and yea i going to become a teacher after my exams results proved that i have already graduated and i pass the medical checkup.

There is going to be a reckoning tomorrow, stuffssss in my room are going to get thrown away.

Ranting

2009-04-23T23:40:00.003+08:00

To be happy, maybe the best way is to love yourself, be happy on your own.

But how hard is that to achieve...

Trying and trying, but sometimes the happiness you get with people made it so hard to want to be happy alone.

Thoughts

2009-04-21T16:29:00.004+08:00

Sometimes i wondered, if the words that i said to others are always sub-consciously relating to myself.

I think that my third person perspective is quite percise, subjected to the limits of my experiences.

But experiences always come at a cost, a mental cost.

Because without experiencing the pain, one would not understand, and without understanding, one cannot truly comprehend.

Instincts, intitutions are some of the signs and signals that i am trying to decipher.

As i am unable to see myself from a third person perspective, i am trying to use my senses to understand the signals.

However, my senses are clouded, clouded by my desires.

My desires are in a mess, kept in check for years but finally overwhelmed me.

Could it be time is draining my energy?

My energy to control, to interpret.

There is only one who is timeless and precious, yet out of reach.

Walking towards the end of time, against the flow of time.

All i need is a harmony of environment and perspective.

Susan Boyle

2009-04-19T11:15:00.002+08:00

If you haven't seen one of the greatest performance in talent search history, you should see this performance of Susan Boyle on youtube. This performance should go down in history not only as one of the best voices seen in talent search, but also the simple reality on how people look down on "not so attractive" people. I am guilty as charged....

Political drama of AWARE

2009-04-18T11:28:00.003+08:00

The recent power struggle within AWARE could be one of those old Hong Kong drama that have been shown on TV, where conspiracy and hidden agenda are involved. Initially, i was not really interested in the result of the election of the exco committee, but the recent developments have really made me more interested in the events.

For those who does not know what AWARE is, it is a women organization that seeks to promote equality and further the cause of women in Singapore society (i think and probably that is all i know). The drama started off with just an election that saw the exco committee being overtaken by new members who have joined the organization within the last few months. Why new members are allowed to even be nominated for position, i have no idea too. But the interesting development after the election to me was not necessarily the power struggle that happened, but rather the hidden agenda that this new committee possess. Two interesting facts that i have read from newspaper (although these days one may wonder what you can trust from reading from newspaper), that the new members were from the same church, and somehow on their agenda their anti-gay stance was mentioned, which differs from the previous management.

So what is so dramatic about this story is that it is more eventful that probably our general election which hardly see any political drama (thankfully). The scenario that a fundamental Christian group trying to seize power in a well-recognized civil organization to possibly further their agenda is kind of conflicting with the notion of Singapore as a secular state. Being a secular state, religion plays no part in influencing the politics of Singapore. However, being a civil organization AWARE plays a role in campaigning for reforms and changes, although whether the organization can be defined as truly civil is debatable. Although it is well known fact that a number of Christian organizations have anti-gay stance, but to staged a power coup in another organization just to use it as a medium to further their agenda is first of its kind in my limited knowledge of Singapore.

I can never truly understand the impact of religion because i am not a true believer myself. To me religion is a faith that one can have to preserve their mental well-being, but not so much of following a religion just because you are meant to follow. Religion is not the absolute truth, because if it is the absolute truth why there are so many religions, and within each religions there are different denominations? Religion is the interpretation by individuals, so to state that why Christians are against homosexual because the bible says so, it like saying that you are just blindly following a book. I believe that there are plenty of stuff that one should not do as mentioned in the bible, so why is homosexuality being emphasized so much? From my limited studies in history, i do know that historically the Catholic Church was responsible for many past "atrocities" carried out by mankind. The Papal issued a few bulls to "authorize" the European powers to enslave people, and the "Curse of Ham" story was often used in the past to justify racism and enslavery of African.

I always think that being religious, one must be humane first. However, imagine this scene from a movie i watched before based on a true story. This gay boy was beaten to death by some other guys for being gay. During the court trial of the murderer, when the parents were on the way to courthouse, many religious fundamentalists carry banner that their son deserved to die or will burn in hell for being gay stood outside the courthouse protesting. Seriously, what is the uproar over homosexuality such that so many people felt threatened and that being a homo has become one of the biggest sinners relatively to murders in religious context. I do not understand, but then, there are many things i do not understand anymore.

Thai Movies

2009-04-16T16:02:00.003+08:00

With only one more presentation left on Friday, school is declared out for me since Tuesday. As part of my usual ritual since i entered university, end of school is the start of the study break for exam, and to do the transition i typically spend a few days just slacking. Just relax, sleep more, watch movies and dramas and stone more. So, in two days, i have watched like probably 7 movies or something and some drama episodes. I have watched a couple of Thai movies, and found them to be really good. These movies gave a different feel to compared to similar genre from other countries. For Asian movies, typically Hong Kong ones are trashy, Japanese and Korean are quite nice largely due to their beautiful cast and soapy sometimes outrageous plots, i hardly watch China movies while Taiwan movies do have some nice one.

So here, i will recommend 4 Thai movies, 1 of them i watched last year, another probably last week and two of them just yesterday. All of these movies involve romance plot, but included other segments such as family and friendship components which i found it to be really good.

The first one will be Love of Siam, which was probably one of the most talk about movie last year i believe, largely due to its never expected kind of plot from its trailer. The movie is basically a coming of age story, 2.5 hrs long, while the director cut is around 3hrs. One of the best movie that i have ever watched, what can i say, movie with good music is priceless.

The next movie i have no idea what is the English title for the movie because i caught this movie on PPstream, not to mention the websites that i found the other Thai movies are Chinese site. This movie talks about 4 different love story, but probably only one of the story that makes me go WOW, but then, apparently the move was from Love Actually, which i have never seen before.

The third movie is probably named Friendship or You and Me, directly translated from the Chinese version. This story talks about the story between a gangster liked guy and this ultra quiet girl. What strikes me was the ending, which left a large area of interpretation for the viewers to decide what actually happened, rather than finishing the story. All in all, is quite a sad story about how it just wasn't meant to be.

The last movie is call Seasons Change. The movie is about how a guy secretly enrolled in a music school just to try to be with the girl he likes, even though his parents, like typically parents think that he will have no future studying music. Since the story is set in a music school, there are plenty of music, especially classical music which i have start to enjoy a bit since watching Beethoven's Virus. I find the movie plot rather different, because it tends to develop differently from movies with similar plot. To conclude, this movie is a small piece of cake, that does not have the big design nor fanciful decoration, but it still taste good.

All these movies can be found on Tudou.com or ku6.com, just need to search the Chinese name.

End of fyp presentation

2009-04-13T23:19:00.002+08:00

Today i am so freaking relieve and happy at the same time, because my fyp presentation is finally over! Maybe happy is an understatement, i am truly overjoyed! A few months ago i was doubting that i can actually come up with anything for my fyp, last few weeks in doing my thesis and technical paper was traumatizing, but now it is almost over! I still need to finalize my thesis and probably work on the technical paper to submit for conference, but most of the requirements are done.

I would not say that my presentation was that great, in fact i went to school dressed in polo tee, pants and shoes, and realize that apparently the dress code of casual smart prove to be kind of formal, and everyone else was dressed in that manner. O well, the examiner kind of pointed out methods that i should actually do to validate my method, which obviously i have no idea about since my supervisor made it sound so simple by just using a word call simulation. I do not have the full idea about how it is to be done, and my supervisor's research assistant got busy halfway before i could get more help regarding the simulation. But all in all, the presentation do not feel horribly bad, which is kind of a comfort to me since i really felt really bad during my CA2. Now it's all over and done, time to slack a while before another presentation on Friday, then off to study for exams, could be my last exams!

Side note, finally my handphone contract is going to end this weekend. Finally can get a new phone after my old handphone got mugged in Saint Petersburg. Thinking of getting a LG Renoir, it seems to have good features, but i do not see many people using it. On a second thought, i am not really paying attention to what phone people are using. My sister just bought an iphone, and i just find not being able to drag and copy stuff into your computer or handphone troublesome. Not to mention that iphone is so expensive! I just hope that LG Renoir will be good and usual friendly.

<3?

2009-04-12T22:31:00.002+08:00

It's those days where you thought that how miserable your life can be, but out of the blue something or someone made you feel that life is great with them around. I don't need to be popular or have a lot of materials, i just need one thing in the world. I have tried, but now i question my decision, because my life would be lesser without. Simple yet effective, the direct path to my heart.

Now back to reality......

Past

2009-04-10T08:43:00.002+08:00

A few days ago, Eric asked me if i am going to delete my blog when i become a teacher. I was thinking of maybe making it private, but he thinks that it is still possible to gain access to my previous posts because of caching in Google. Obviously the reasons for possibly deleting my blog is not to protray an image that is not fitting for a teacher, should someone that i should know in my teaching environment read my blog. As usual, i am not ashame mostly for people who cares to know what kind of a person i am, because i do not believe that there could be anyone who do not have a past or is perfect, even a saint.

This was one of my reservations when before i applied for teaching. As a teacher, i will need to be a role model and likely my actions and behaviors will be under scutiny even outside of school. I think that i should be good at acting normal like i have been doing for so many years, but i wondered if i should continue do so at the dawn the new phase of my life. I am not necessarily a deviance, but i just question social norms a lot, which might prove to be a problem as a teacher. I accept most social norms while still question the validity of certain norms, which is part of my critical analysis of life. Certainly, i do not try to impose my ideas on other people, only explain my reasons for others to interpret for themselves.

So i wondered if i will need to delete my facebook account as well? Probably there are stuff inside that looks unfitting for a teacher, and i imagine what kind of image it will protray to other people. But this i wonder, that is it the requirement of the profession to have a clean past? Everyone has made mistakes at some point in their life and it seems that in our society that is unforgiving on failures, the public scutiny does not show any mercy. It is possibly judgmental and myopic, with me possibly part of it. So what is more important, hiding or deleting the past? I think no, the more effective way would be to argue and justify your actions. Afterall, our preception is shaped by arguments, not necessarily the truth.

Sweet Rain

2009-04-09T21:33:00.002+08:00

Just caught this movie by Kaneshiro Takeshi on PPStream and the quality is not too shabby. The movie was surprisingly simple, using simple story lines to derive a deeper meaning. The story talks about Takeshi, a shinigami going to talk to his prospective dying candidate, to see if they should die. The movie consists of three stories, all about the candidates that Takeshi went to meet, and the relationship is only revealed at the end of the movie. The main character behind the story, a lady who at young age started experiencing deaths, with most of her loved ones dead. Her life is just full of bad luck according to her, and even suspect that a stalker is after her. The first and second story seems rather random, only till the third story then the entire story unfold. The story links like the Curious Case of Benjamin Button, surprisingly revealed in the third story to give an understanding of the first and second story. At the end of it, death is just about the end, it can be the start, the start of understanding about life. As what people said, only when they have experienced death, will they truly appreciate the value of life. Life can suck and probably unfair, but i guess there are plenty of other things to appreciate even when you have nothing to look forward to. Because amidst the uncertainty of tomorrow, there is still hope that anything can happen, and it might not be necessarily bad.

Classified

2009-04-08T21:06:00.001+08:00

Looking for kakis to learn Bahasa Indonesian, Japanese and Guitar!

I am up for other suggestions too if it is not too expensive and maybe i'll be interested.

Courses should start in May, and hopefully can finish by July.

Teaching

2009-04-06T23:58:00.003+08:00

So i went for the teaching interview in early March, and i got accepted for contract teaching which will start in July 27th, provided i pass all the pre-req which include a medical checkup.

Actually, i wanted to teach since i graduated from secondary school. I even applied for relief teaching before i got enlisted, but i was too lazy to fill up the application forms when it was sent to me. When in army, my perception changed, i just feel that as i grow older inside the army, teenagers are just an irritating bunch of people to me and they look evil. After getting to university, the majority of lecturers and tutors that i had are really not cut out to teach, maybe that is why people don't call lecturer a teacher, i think it will insult the profession. Lecturers just teach what they know, without considering whether students understand them (i am just sterotyping for ranting). Then, before i went Finland i got my second tuition, the first was my nephew and he was quite lazy, thus i gave up after a while. This second tuition kid, he was ok but lazy too, but at least he was older and taking his O' levels, so probably i can relate better than to a primary school student. Teaching is good for my study, because i can actually start to see the bigger picture of all the topics, which i haven't been able to since i entered university hence my lousy result.

At this moment when i am about to graduate, people asked me if i really want to teach and that teaching is quite stressful. Seriously, in an ideal situation i would want to teach, but in a practical situation, i am not sure because i do not know how it would turn out. Certainly, i am not who i am when i just graduated from secondary school. That was the period of time when i thought that i could really teach and still handle the students. But now, my confidence has been wavering after moving past the teenager phase for so long. I have always think that i can talk relatively well and no problem of talking in front of people. Reaction wise, i consider myself to be fairly fast formulating immediate solution. But, all these four years of university have done nothing but only break my confidence. 2 years of army have been political, but i handled it and emerged in one piece. My confidence from secondary school has always been being the best among the average, but when fighting against the better and elite, it has really been hard. And now, i am going to embark into the academic world as an untrained teacher, to find my lost confidence, or continue to be lost.

Misery

2009-04-05T21:01:00.003+08:00

Doing thesis is really kind of making me mentally strained to the max, relatively maxxed at least. It was then, suddenly i realized that my life is kind of miserable.

Not miserable as in there are bad things happening to me, at least not literally bad things. I am content with my life, i have nothing serious to worry about except just to do my best for my last semester. It is the kind of misery, that your life have nothing to look forward to, really nothing. In the past, even without the big things to look forward to, there are still the smaller things. Even like playing mmo, it is something that i can look forward to and still feel a sense of achievement.

Now, i just dont have any strength to want to be interested in anything. Despite trying to be interested in stuffs around me, my under-achieving is really getting to me. Some people might think that i am not trying hard enough or should put in more effort, but little did they know that my effort is in making sense of stuff, not using labor hours. What am i not making sense of? I am not making sense in my reactions, my ideologies and my path. I do not understand why things have to be so hard. Eric told me that a hard life build character, but i somehow feel that i have too much character, too much deviance character. I just hope that the end of my university life will be the end of my era of under-achieving. I need something to look forward in my life, some goals to accomplish and probably some people to spend my time with.

End of salsa class

2009-04-03T22:32:00.006+08:00

Photo taking during the end of my last salsa class, although i think quite a number of people not there.

Procrastinating

2009-03-30T21:56:00.002+08:00

Seems like test after test, i am not a guy of crowds. No matter how hard i try, i can't seems to be friendly and outgoing. The weird thing is somehow i know that i have it in me, because i have done it before, but maybe the differences in environment account for the inability. But if there is any good thing coming out of this, i am lucky enough to have close friends, even though i do not have many friends. Hanging out with a group of friends is fun and interesting, but when one grows older, it feels like it is those friends that you hang out alone seems to be there for you more, because no planning or organizing is required. Maybe this explain why i have the tendency to make singular friend rather than a group of friends like i did last time.

I am bored doing my thesis and getting cranky, but having talked today everything seems to be a bit better psychologically. Not sure if i would get myself there this weekend, but still i wish all the best for you.

Weekend of birthday celebration

2009-03-26T00:01:00.004+08:00

Last weekend was quite a weekend for birthday celebration, first my uncle (my father eldest brother) 70th birthday celebration at Chevron and my grand-aunt (my father's mum's sister-in-law i believe) 88th birthday celebration at her house. A gathering at my father side is usually a big family gathering, and there were 7 tables for the celebration, with hired photographers for photo taking.

My family photo taking.

My cousin brought gifts from Shanghai i believe as door gift for everyone, a piece of jade and some traditional string for it.

The entire clan, with a few absentees.

The cousins of the clan.

The newest generation, all my nieces and nephews.

All the above photos courtesy of my cousin and my cousin-in-law.

For my grand-aunt birthday, basically it was just home-cooked food at her place. The irony was that the cake i had there was bigger as compared to the one i had for my uncle, a bigger cake for a crowd of around 10+ people as compared to a cake for around 70 people. O well, wish both of my grand-aunt and my uncle to stay in good health, although both of their healths are not so good recently, but still hope there are plenty of birthdays to come.

Desperate but not housewives?

2009-03-24T22:02:00.002+08:00

Just watched an episode of Desperate Housewives today, season 5 episode 17 i believe. Quote from the art teacher that Susan is working with and Susan, "... i am someone who never went out and look for love, i assumed that it will find me, and it didn't... and i so afraid of being alone", and from Susan, "... i spent my own life putting myself out there, and today, i am still alone...".

What a contrasting comparision, but with the same result. Kind of make one thinks about whether there is a right path to take to achieve a good result. Because, most of us hope that we would not spend the rest of our life alone, not literally alone but rather there would be someone special in our lives to share our happiness and sorrow with. Thinking that destiny exists is one way of having hope that we would eventually find true love, because without the real thing, hope is what keep our lives burning, at least until a certain age where we finally realize that destiny is bullshit and all the childhood fairy tales are tales and with fairies for a reason.

Comparing between social norms and having someone by my side, i would rather take my chance at fighting social norms. Afterall, without a fight in my life, what excitment is there.

Best of Me

2009-03-20T00:27:00.001+08:00

Dunno why, but everything i hear this song tears just gather in my eyes.

My last week of slacking before thesis horror

2009-03-18T23:22:00.005+08:00

Currently the big chuck of my worries involve my final year project and the submission of the first draft of my thesis around the start of April. Despite almost in the panic mode, I am still taking things easy, and even started a mmorpg with Alvin, which is Rune of Magic. The game is currently taking a bit of my time, though I am forcing myself to cut down the playing time to really start writing my thesis, but the lack of results and understanding for my project is proving to be a big obstacle.

Still, life still prove to be rather smooth thus far and interesting to some extent. After not having yearly scout reunion because Miss Chan left to purse her master, we finally continue the tradition this year, and I found out that she went to New Zealand and not New York for her master, so much with all names with the 'New' beginning. As usual, the gathering had people signing up for it but not turning up. This year was a bit different, because there are actually people bringing their +1 along, be it girlfriend or wife. So the big topic for me during the gathering was definitely asking advice on becoming a teacher. I am surprise that Miss Chan thinks that I am suitable to become a teacher (or maybe that is how I interpreted her), despite being kind of crazy when I was a scout leader back then. She seems to think that even though the situation was not ideal back then, but I still handled it with patience and endurance (this is me paraphasing what I think she said). So the scouts are going to have their orientation camp at Pulau Ubin this week, I am soooo tempted to go, but two nights there seriously is not my cup of tea. Overnight is more suitable for me, who just can't stand unpleasant environment.

Group photo from the gathering:

Gathering aside, things have been rathering boring except when I go out, or in school talking crap with Choon Kiat, at home playing Rune of Magic or talking crap on msn with Alvin. Talking crap aside, I realize that I cannnot really start a conversation well when I want to, because to me everything seems so insignificant, unless I find something significant enough to talk about. Not to mention that I seem to be emotional insensitive in certain case (wonder if I am repeating myself), because while in logically sense I can see through other people, when it involve me I just get so blind. So pardon me if I act like an idiot, but I am sure that I always play the cautious card, damage prevention is always my initial move. But somehow, this always leave the ball in other people's court, which make it hard for me. I tried, but the results seem quite mixed. I am talking in encryptic mode, to try to say something without revealing anything haha. Looking forward to next meeting... although the anticipation is greater than the real meeting :x

Things that government is afraid to teach, teachers are embrassed to teach, and parents think no need to teach

2009-03-11T18:43:00.004+08:00

So during my financial accounting lecture on Tuesday, in view of the recent attack in NTU, the lecturer started talking about students becoming too stressed these days, and how he should tell something interesting to cheer everyone up. So the topic came up, things that government is afraid to teach, teachers are too embrassed to teach, and parents think no need to teach.

At first glare probably one will think that it might be sex, although the topic that came up was 'What is Love?'. So what is love? According to his chemistry definition, love consists of two chemicals, dopamine which is the pleasure chemical and oxytocin which is the bonding chemical. After every break up, there are five phases that one will go through, namely denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.

Frankly, i don't know much about love. Despite giving people advice about relationship since primary school, i hardly get any visit from cupid. Well, the only thing i know is logical person to person interaction, which was where my advice was based on, however recently, my emotions kind of caught up with my logical thinking. This is where i believe that no matter how much empathy that a person can have, one can never understand the feelings of others, to effectively advise them on how to solve their personal problems. Logic seems to be a thin line, where in reality it does not have any area of its own, but rather a manifestation of our imagination. Logic, merely separates the norms and deviances, and substain by what is commonly known as reasons. However, reasons need not be facts nor be accurate, but rather rely on the persuasion power of the speakers and the ignorance of the listeners. If love is neither logically and is blind, how do we truly know when you are in love? There are many who describe it as some form of emotions or actions, but as far as i see it, there is no ultimate truth in love. We might be manipulated to believe in something call love from all the love culture around us, and we want to believe in love because we need something worth living for in our otherwise miserable life. I might be sounding pessimistic, but it might be caused by my ignorance due to the lack of visit from cupid, or i might just be a being incapable of feeling love. Eitherway, i am still playing a game of treasure hunt, where the ultimate prize can be true love, or just the constructed love.

Ta|x|aNg

Be content or a bit more greedy?

2009-03-02T23:10:00.002+08:00

Greed can be both good and bad. Greed is what motivates people to work harder, to make things better and to progress. However, it also refers to excessive wants, a sin according to the bible and what makes people do illegal dealings to fulfill their endless wants.

Content on the other hand, some people might say that it is the key to a happy life. Being content, one can be happy with whatever little things they have in their lives. But being greedy, they can have the world and still is not enough for them. I have heard arguments that promoting content result in people getting lazy, that hinders development of the community as a whole.

So, be content and probably be a bit more happy mentally, but might result in one under achieving, or be a bit more greedy, demand more in life so that you will work for it, but might result in unhappiness if things do not go as well. There are a lot of what if's in this equation. In an argument, being extreme is often the straight path to he**, so let's assume that we take everything in the equation in moderation so that there is no black and white answers, because life is shades of grey.

So what triggered this kind of metaphysical thoughts after my emo mood? Probably not the tragedy that happened at NTU earlier today that involved a NTU lecturer getting stabbed and the death of a Indonesian year 4 university student, though my heart goes out to the student and may him be relieved of whatever pain that he endured before going over the edge. Maybe it is the job interview, and makes me think of a future of being financially independent, being able to move out, either live alone or stay with some good friends. But I guess it is due to the history of my university life. I have not been really happy since i entered university, partly because I find it so hard to make friends in school, although I do have to admit my personality played a large portion in my misery. So to counter my depressing life, I learnt to be more content, tried to look at my haves and thinking that life could have been worse, but it didn't. I am lucky in certain aspects, I do not have financial worries, I do not need to work to support myself or my family, and I spent most of my time playing games. But at this point of time, I would say that I hope to get something more in life. I was debating in my mind whether I should try harder, going all the way out that I normally do not do, or I should just follow the flow and leave everything to fate.

Generally speaking, I try to be a good person because I believe in karma. While I know that I have a unforgiving mouth, but I do not mean any harm. But sometimes being nice just does not work. They say that girls are attracted to bad boys, while the good guys are either taken or probably gay, so I wonder what happen to the in-between. Some may argued that these sayings are just myths, but with my experiences in life, I rather believe in their certain truth rather than totally reject them. If life is shades of grey, why does certain issues seem so black and white, either it works or it doesn't, either you blew your first chance or it was just not meant to be. While I think that life probably suck, but I know that it does not need to be that way. But still, I would really appreciate if I am given some signs from the greater being, that whatever I am doing is right or wrong, because getting ignored is worse than being wrong.

Ta|x|AnG

My Teaching Interview

2009-03-02T18:58:00.002+08:00

Just had my teaching interview earlier today, and if I am not mistaken is my first job interview ever. The interview panel consists of three persons, two middle age guys and one young lady. I was told by the kind teenage boy who was checking my papers for the interview that the panel is quite friendly, which kind of made me more comfortable mentally.

So the first question they asked me was not why I apply for teaching, but rather why I chose teaching despite having an Electrical Engineering degree. This question was kind of a surprise to me, but luckily I did thought able why I do not want to take on a technical job, so i answered that my years studying engineering made me want to try something else, rather than being an engineer, which i promptly continued to explain why I chose teaching.

In explaining why I decided to teach, I talked about making an impact in other people's lives, and how I had teachers who have made an impact in my life. The interview continued to the topic on who and how I would rate my teacher, and what are the qualities of a good teacher, and how to get through to students. I think my answers to this part I gave a rather nervous answer, formulating whatever could come to my mind and trying to make some sense out of it, and making it as sincere as possible.

While I am tempted to just go into NIE, I still maintained my goal and asked about contract teaching. Apparently the minimum term is 1 year, and during this period I'll get assessed by a supervisor and the principal of the school that I get allocated to. I guess it is a more stringent way of going into teaching, rather than just going straight into NIE. But still, I guess it is better to try out if teaching is suitable for me, rather than going in and ended up hating the job, and instead of teaching, I am just doing a job. So my last answer to the interviewer that I am not sure that I want to teach, is that I definitely want to teach, but as a career wise, no one can be sure that they like teaching until they actually tried it. Pity I never try out relief teaching before, but still it will not be the same. However, contract teaching involved me going straight into becoming a full-time teacher with just 2 days of training, so I wondered my starting abilitiy to immediately become a teacher.

EMO~~~

2009-03-01T23:10:00.002+08:00

My emoing desktop wallpaper now.

EMOEMOEMOEMOEMOEMOEMO

2009-03-01T15:35:00.002+08:00

These few weeks are truly an eye-opener for me. People can start off being so nice and much, then turn icy cold or maybe it is just me thinking too much. Friends of years can be like strangers, it is so hard to find someone to just talk and listen. At least I think i will just count myself lucky, to have someone who maybe seems to be more optimistic than me, who can really listen to my problems, or at least finish listening me out.

I know that I am not perfect, and can get unreasonable, too frank and what's not. But hey, at least I can say confidently that I am a sincere person, I treat all my friends sincerely. So no, I am unreasonable because I actually cared, I am frank because true friends are the one who tell the hard truth in your face. But apparently it is not the case. In these day sincerity does not work, it is the honey talking, the showering of politically correct stuff that works. O yes, i have just grew by another few years in just a few weeks. People lamented not having true friends, but I guess we are all superficial people, we have true or potential true friends around us, but being the greedy idiots we are, it will always be the people who knows how to play the game who wins, in the real world the tortoise never wins the race, because he will always get laughed at and by the time he reaches the finishing line, all the audiences have already left.

Emoo and emooo, truth hurts and lies worse? More like lies worse when the truth is out, else lies is always better than the truth. Everyone likes to get lied at, as long as it widen their ego.

SCREAMING AND SHOUTING! TIME TO GROW UP AND MOVE ON!

Truth hurts and lies worse

2009-02-28T19:32:00.000+08:00

Personality Test?

2009-02-26T00:07:00.001+08:00

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

While i was reading this, there were so many points which i think were so true! In fact i say the same thing to myself and to my friends :/ You can try this at http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Karma?

2009-02-25T23:01:00.003+08:00

I seriously think that someone up there is playing a joke on me, to get me to experience all these things thus far. Fine! I get your point! I have already thrown myself out there, what more can i do? Must i get myself killed or something before the answer is made known to me -.-

The Irony?

2009-02-23T21:04:00.002+08:00

It is funny how i can convince myself and even others with some of my point of views, only to understand how wrong they were when the same situation happen on me. Somehow the past few weeks have been rather eventful, my past worries have been replaced by new worries, old yearnings has been replaced by new goals.

I am kind of amazed at the things that i have told others. Things that i thought that i would probably never say started coming out during conversation. Maybe i have really change, not sure if it is for the best or for the worse, but nonetheless, sometimes it is pointless to hope that other people understand you when you yourself refuse to say what are you thinking right?

Understanding or not

2009-02-17T23:15:00.003+08:00

These few months have been an up and down ride. There are plenty of stuff that i thought i knew and understand, only to find out that either i do not understand at all, or maybe i might have simply forgotten about them. The experiences within the past few years seems kind of vague, maybe partly because i just follow through, without being conscious about my environment.

I wonder if it is because i bottled up all my thoughts, such that people think that i have no emotions, such that they can just throw all their feelings onto me. Even though i think that i am starting to be socially conscious, but now i am feeling like i am emotionally unconscious.

Career path

2009-02-15T12:55:00.002+08:00

Last Thursday and Friday was the NUS career fair, which i went with Eric and Choon Kiat on Thursday after my lab. On the way there, i felt like backing out, as the thought of finding a job just consume me. Luckily, the whole affair was not as bad as what it seems to be, or rather i thought it would be.

Job scope wise, i am looking for either human oriented jobs, engineering jobs or any other jobs that i am qualified to fill. However, taking a job that is non-engineering related somehow made me feel that i have wasted my engineering degree. Yet on the other hand, i am thinking of not doing anything technical, which includes engineering related job and even anything to do with gaming, such as game design which used to be my passion. I wonder if it is just temporary that i have lost my confident in design or doing anything technical, but seriously with my studies in NUS thus far, i felt that i have done nothing that could or should booster my confidence towards engaging the working life.

Human oriented job seems to be less foreign to me, or maybe it should be foreign, but my lack of true understanding of the job nature makes me more confident of doing such job scope. Another area that i have been considering is teaching, which i have already apply for an interview in school. Teaching used to be what i want to do when i was in secondary school and junior college, but somehow along the way, it has became a professional which i think to be a dead end, that is once you started teaching, you have to do it all the way or it would have been years wasted. The starting pay and benefits of teaching seems nice, but the 4 years bond means that should teaching be not my cup of tea, i would have to endure the pain for the rest of the bond. Considering both teaching or even human oriented job such as human resource will result in me breaking from my engineering root (whatever i have), i feel that teaching is not that bad afterall.

Still, in today's bad economy, i may or may not have the chance to choose what job i want. Not to mention that the ideal and dream job may not be due to the nature of the job, but rather the environment of the company. So it is my ideology now to just apply any job that i do not detest, and see what kind of job offers that i can receive, and hopefully i can even get any.

Italy - Milan and Florence

2009-02-09T21:24:00.007+08:00

Just went through some of my SEP photos, and i just realized that i never touch my Italy and Germany photos. So i decided to just upload the sceneries part, so i need not do any digital enhancement heh.

The Duomo Cathedral in Milan.

Galleria Vittorio Emanuele in Milan, one of the most famous shopping destination.

Saint Mary of the Graces, which house the famous painting 'The Last Supper.

Ponte Vecchio, the oldest and most famous bridge over the Arno.

Galleria degli Uffizi, one of the world most famous art musuems.

Just some nice sights around Milan and Florence, of course i have photos of more destinations, but lazy to really do up a travel blog, so just did a mini one with no information heh.

BBQ at Siting's

2009-02-08T22:37:00.011+08:00

Well it was not really a good day for bbq since the evening started with a light rain, stop, then started to drizzle again. Siting's mom was kind enough to move the BBQ equipment down from the top because it was raining, but since when we reached it stop raining, we moved the bbq pit up again. The scene was really funny, carrying a burning bbq pit up the house, like some ritual being carried out that is smoking up the entire place, pity no photos taken.

The bbq started relatively ok, started cooking chicken wings and hotdogs.

And the cam whoring starts... though i am the one taking...

Seriously, people bbqing with umbrellas...ella ella ella e e e...

Ended with a group photos, followed by watching some disgusting and lame British show that Siting likes alot. Bad taste!

Another Grey's Anatomy quote

2009-02-08T15:34:00.002+08:00

Don't spend all of your time wondering what you are or who you like, or whether is right or wrong for you, just let yourself be happy, before you find yourself alone.

Horror night of clubbing

2009-02-08T15:05:00.002+08:00

Well, clubbing wasn't really that horrible, though i didn't really like the retro dance music at double O, but at least the music gets better towards the end before i left. But seriously, i hate alcohol so much. I only drank like 1 shot and 1 bottle of beer, and started to get really dizzy and can't even walk straight haha. But i am not sure it is the beer or the shot, because the shot did nothing much to my stomach because it is not really bitter, but as the time went by, my stomach start to stir, and the loud music is really not helping at all. So after like 2 hours, i started to vomit, and goodness the feeling is really really bad. Worse than when i was sick, i could almost felt my throat coming out. It is my first time clubbing and drink liquor, normally i just drink a bit of beer from my friends. I vomit twice at the club, and another time after getting home.

The feeling after getting a bit tipsy wasn't that bad, but i swear i never want to drink alcohol man, i could swear that i thought i might actually lose my voice after all the vomiting. O well, there is always a first to everything.

Went for a charity dinner last night too, and guess what, my table actually won a new digital camera, a Canon Ixus 8515. One of those things that my family had too many, but i guess just a new toy to play with heh.

Just met a new friend today, was fun talking to someone who is not talking about jobs, economic or gaming haha. Just waiting to go for bbq at Siting's place later.

A long week of exercise

2009-02-05T22:12:00.002+08:00

Being the lazy guy i am, i have not been exercising much since i left army and entered university. Before, the number of times that i had swam in my house pool could be counted with probably both hands. Glad to say that these days i have been exercising more frequently, thanks to Alvin coming my house a few times a week to either gym or swim (or rather sun-tan).

Adding to the more frequent uses of my house facilities, i have joined additional classes in school, namely kickboxing and salsa. Today was my first kickboxing sesson, since last week i did not go for the first session just because my friend was not free, and i don't intend to go to a class full of girls. Seriously, today kickboxing session felt like being in the ladies room or something, so awkward. Not to mention that the instructor even suggested that the guys (like 3 guys behind) should stay in front of the class instead, which i flatly told her not to. The kickboxing session was really tiring, since i went to did some gym and swam a bit prior to the session. I did the same thing yesterday, and had salsa after kickboxing. Now i am so dead tired, due to lack of sleep from being woke up last night by Eric, calling me at 12 midnight to ask me to join aerobic class. Which sad to say, after today kickboxing i would say that i would not want to join another aerobic class, just because it can really be so tiring man, and i am not in dire need to slim down, sorry man.

Salsa was fun as usual, though there are so many steps that to remember. I only like the dancing part of the class, the rest of the waiting part was just boring, trying to socialize which i am certainly not good at. Or maybe just i am so dead tired today, just don't feel like talking much. Now i am just trying to drink some camomile tea, it is suppose to make you relax so that you can sleep better, which i desperately need after so many hard to fall asleep nights.

Well Alvin keep saying that i would probably stop exercising after he goes back to Australia (which i think i probably would), but hey at least 1 session of kickboxing would probably help a lot to ensure my weight won't explode. Afterall, my weight has not move much since my secondary school days, and i hope it remains that way. Now just want to tone my body a bit, and strengthen my lower back muscle, which has been giving me a lot of problems since i injured it during my army days.

Leona Lewis - Here I Am

2009-02-02T19:05:00.003+08:00

I have been listening to Leona Lewis's Spirit album for a while now, but only today that i truly appreciate this song, Here I Am, after having it as the ending song for the show Prayers for Bobby. I didn't really listen well to the lyrics of the song, and thought that it was just another boring slow song. But after looking through the lyrics once, i found it to be a really nice song. Enjoy!

Recap

2009-02-02T10:55:00.002+08:00

While listening "attentively" to my EE4501 webcast, i was part-timing looking through the old posts of my blog. Initially, my aim of starting the blog was this, that sometime in the future i would read the older posts, and see if my problems or whatsoever have changed. After reading the earliest few posts, i can only decide that my life has turn for the worse. While the stuff i experienced thus far are relatively the same, i realized that i no longer care, no longer care about what happened in my daily life, no longer care about myself. Everything just seems so insignificant for me to want to remember. "Life is like a vacuum cleaner, it sucks."

Emotional blue screen of death?

2009-02-02T00:26:00.002+08:00

Kind of just discovered a rather "fatal" emotional fault that i kind of have, maybe the signs were already there before, but only today that i actually discovered it. And the emptiness kind of just feed it out of proportion. I wonder should i try to slay it or just accept it?

Underworld, Passengers and The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas

2009-02-01T16:12:00.002+08:00

Just watched Underworld: Rise of the Lycans last night at the Cathay, and i was surprise with how short it felt. The costume of the vampires were nice, but other than that there was really nothing spectacular about it. Guess i just like the fantasy touch of the fanchise, but in the end it fails to impress.

The Passengers is a movie about a therapist being assigned to a group of airplane crash survivors trying to get them to talk their experiences during the airplane crash, only to have the story developed into a possible cover-up by the airline, or so it seems. The twist in the story is subtle, and requires you to really relook at all the scenes to really find out what is going on before the truth struck you. I find the ending rather nice, and give a meaningful touch. But i shall not spoil the ending, and seriously don't find any spoiler to the movie if you intend to watch this show. Not a very good movie, but i feel it is a movie that is worth watching because it is something out of the ordinary. The movie will be released in Singapore 5th Feb.

Lastly, the movie i want to talk about is The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas, based on the novel by Irish novelist John Boyne. The story has a Nazi themed, and evolved around the Holocaust. The main character in the movie, Bruno, moved to a house near Auschwitz. Being bored with his new life without any friends, he explored the area around his house, and chance upon the Auschwitz concentration camp, and there, he met and befriended a jewish boy named Shmuel across the fence.

The story reflect how the innocent Bruno view the environment around him. He thought that the Aushwitz camp is a farm, wondered why the farmers were all wearing pyjamas, thought that the numbers on each pyjamas were part of a game. He thought that Shmuel had more fun than him because he has friends inside the camp, and so many people around him. He wondered why his tutor taught him that all Jews are evil, and he cannot be friend with a Jew. He wondered why the chimney from the farm emits black smoke and a foul smell. As usual i shall not spoil the end, but the scene is simple yet emotional. Bruno and Shmuel just do things together because of their friendship, without any regards or knowledge of the consequences of their actions. Is it not reflective of some of our actions, that we just do for our friends, without any regards on the consequences.

Wall street bonus

2009-01-31T19:40:00.005+08:00

The outline of his speech can be found here. But the main point that i want to point out here is the part about the bonus of the wall streeters. I just hope that the bailout funds will be spent wisely, to maintain the jobs of the middle class and not the job of a high paying banker at the expenses of many other jobs. The money should be used to increase credit lending, to keep company operating rather channelled to the bonus of bankers, just because they could earn good money during good market. I seriously think that the high flyers of the financial world are seriously overpaid, much like the ministers of Singapore as compared to the ministers of other countries. Then again, even our ministers took a 20% pay cut, why shouldn't the wall streeters, who brought about the economic crisis with their endless greed and only concern about current performance.

Bride Wars and K music!

2009-01-28T20:54:00.004+08:00

Just caught Bride Wars last night, and i must say that the trailer and its theme is quite not what the movie is truly about. Brilliantly played out, the movie talked about the since forever friendship between the two brides to be, how they turn on each other just to get their (same) dream wedding, only to find out that the months long fighting is more tiring than probably the wedding preparation itself. Essentially, the movie is about friendship, reflecting how while at times we might view certain issues more important than friendship and might be be detrimental to the friendship itself, true friendship will never break, only pushed aside and waiting to be the centre of attention yet again. Though i find the decades old friendship kind of astonishing. Meaningful movie, probably the best i have watched these days amongst the movies i caught at the cinema.

While channel surfing, caught the mtv of 2008 on mtvasia, and got to know that Leo Ku has another chain medley kind of music! This time, finally a chinese version. Definitely on my must sing list at the ktv man.

Celebrating Chinese New Year

2009-01-27T21:15:00.002+08:00

This year Chinese New Year kind of feel different, maybe because i did not celebrate it in Singapore last year, so have a rather fresh feel. The schedule was roughly the same, reunion dinner at my mother side on the eve, followed by 2 days of 拜年 at my relatives place.

1) On the eve, children are suppose to stay up so as to increase the lifespan of their parents, i was the only one up with movies to accompany me. And on the eve i still went Bukit Timah hill for a short hike, probably the first in my life.

2) On the first day of the lunar new year, i found out that some relatives got married and met some unknown married relatives, since i get extra hongbao. Realized that i had more nieces and nephews now, and one of them is so cute when he talks. Just drank a lot of shark fins soup because i don't like the rest of the food, then realized that my family don't lou hei anymore because everyone just make a mess out of the hei.

3) Met my old neighbours at the Buddhist association, and found out that her daughter who is the same age as me, already has a son who is 14 months, and so freaky cute. Not to mention that realized that the eldest son spouse is different this time. Wondered why in the first time that the statue of the Buddha seem so much smaller this time, i always remembered it to be quite big. And first time got an extra hongbao because my grand-aunt gave wrong hongbao, and decided to give more.

According to my horoscope, my lucky colour this year is green and lucky number is 6. Last year was suppose to be my fan tai sui year, and since i was not in Singapore, i did not do anything about it. To conclude my last year, it wasn't a smooth one since i experienced some downs and bad encounters. I just hope that this year will be better, and i keep praying that i can become a better person. For those who does not know,

Classification	Zodiac Sign
Offend	Ox
Clash	Goat
Conflict	Dragon & Dog

Hope everyone has a great year ahead!

Chinese New Year

2009-01-24T21:06:00.003+08:00

After skipping the traditional style of celebrating Chinese New Year last year because i was in Finland on exchange program, this year i get to stay in Singapore for Chinese New Year (although not a festival that i usually look forward to). Shopping was quite a disaster for me, because after i decided not to wear size M and downgrade to size S, and decided to wear clothes that fit nicely on me rather than loose fitting, i realized that it is not easy to buy clothes that are slim fit, especially those more formal wears. So while shopping at Robinson (and Alvin grabbing so many stuff in his way), i tried 4 different brands of short casual shirt that is size S, finally conclude that i am not going to be able to get anything that fits nicely. So, ended up i bought a long sleeve shirt at Espirt (although i am kind of looking for short sleeve), again.

Today, had a pre-Chinese New Year gathering at Brewerkz Riverside Point (and i got the name of the restaurant wrong initially). The place was well ok, my uncle booked a room for the gathering, and while the suppose starting time was 1pm, half of my family reach at around 3pm. The beer i drank there was quite ok, at least i didn't hate it. The Golden Ale served there is a light beer, and does not have much bitter after taste, although after drinking like half a cup my entire body is literally red. The food was ok, although there was certainly plenty of overcharged stuff on the menu. The ambient there was nice, maybe because we were in a rather secular room, although later on the doors were open and we had a new view of the Singapore river, i guess that it will probably be a nice sight in the evening with all the lights.

So happens that one of my cousins who is working as a tour guide overseas is back in Singapore now. And the first thing she said to me was how much i changed and how good looking i look in the photos of my family Cambodia trip (don't remember photoshopping the photos i think). I think i rolled my eyes in disbelief, especially when she said that the Koh family has finally produce a good looking guy (although she did said that not considering the older generation of my cousins, which probably only left me and a few cousins). I guess it is the kind of politically correct compliment you receive when you have not seen your relative in a long time, like how i always seem to grow taller every year at Chinese New Year. O well, at least i should be doing something right in keeping my overall appearance, although my uncle and cousin did said that i should do diamond push ups for larger chest, and did mention i have a big tummy (so omg).

This year Chinese New Year felt a bit different for me. Somehow i really feel that i have grown up, able to communicate better with the rest of my relatives (maybe because the generation gap lessen?). Things i want to do this Chinese New Year, play majong, blackjack, eat more ba kwa, drink a bit more nice shark fin soup to compensate for not drinking last year since my auntie cooks really good shark fin (sorry to all the sharks that died in the process), and hopefully to play more majong! Let's all play majong! Happy Chinese NIU Year!

Grey's Anatomy

2009-01-24T09:38:00.003+08:00

Just watched another episode of Grey's Anatomy, and i find this particular episode rather meaningful. Although this story plot is like quite minor inside this episode, but i found it to have a deeper meaning. So basically this guy, who went to Hong Kong to get his short legs extended

(and references were made to Hong Kong being a crazy sort place where they break people's leg and put them back on again), had an infection or some sort or maybe just in severe pain, went to the Seattle Grace Hospital for treatment. The doctor in charge is none other than Mark Sloan and Callie Torres. This guy was feeling so bad in life because of his short height, and he certainly made everyone else feel bad for him because of his ill fortunes in life supposely because of his height.

Well, the part i find meaningful has nothing to do with this guy in pain. Rather, it is what Torres said during the operation to Sloan. The main outline of her conversation is that, she used to stood tall in the hospital, but after George (the guy intern in the same hospital whom she married and got divorced) she got shaved off (height wise metaphorically) around 1 inch, and after Erica (the female attending whom she had a relationship with) she got shaved off another few inches. I find this comparison of height rather interesting. Because apparently our success or status can be relate to height, the taller someone climbs, the more successful the person is. Here is a patient who is literally short and not confident at all, and here is a doctor who is not exactly short, but yet because of her encounters which kind of disappoint her.

While there is a saying that no one should be able to make us feel bad about ourselves, only we can make ourselves feel bad. I guess the logic behind it is to encourage people that as long as one stand tall no one can bring us down. The human spirit is celebrated in this context. However, personally i find that the human spirit is kind of not human spirit at all, because seriously it is not easy to have this kind of strong spirit, otherwise arguably we could say that it is not easy to be human at all. We get affected by the things that happen to us or said to us. It is not easy to ignore all the bad encounters in our lives and try to stand tall. We might try, success or failure, eventually we can either really have the human spirit, or we might just get use to failure such that it does not affect us anymore. The underlining factor here is the social interaction and social perspection. Can't say much about people who are truly individualistic and can really be confident, but most people view themselves through the eyes of other people, which is the kind of social component in our lives. We view fashion based on what other people wear, do stuff that is popular among peers. It is seriously not easy to "i am just who i am" based on my personal experience, because who i am can change with the kind of environment one live in. But the main point is not really to discuss metaphorically or metaphysically the impact of such issue.

The main ending point here is what Sloan said to Torres, which the main outline is something like asking her to walk tall, she was brave enough to get out there, she fought, she loved and she lost, and walk tall. It is not really say getting use to failures, but maybe rather to do not let failure get to us. Despite of the unmerciful Singapore society that is kind of unforgiving towards failure, falling once or twice does not mean that we will stay down forever. We can always learn from our mistakes, move on and still stand tall. Let no mistakes, failures or even bad experiencesbring us down, for every wrong step we take, we are 1 step nearer to taking the right path.

Desperate Housewives

2009-01-21T19:05:00.002+08:00

Just caught the latest episode of Desperate Housewives, and i must say that it is really good in term of drama plot. This episode is talking about the death of the handyman of Wisteria Lane, Eli Scruggs, and how everyone thought that he had die a lonely death without much friends, only to realize how he had made an impact in everyone lives.

It is amazing how an insignificant character could have just said some little word of wisdom, or a small gesture of courtesy, but ended up having an impact in each of the main character life. This somehow made this think about my life, about the people that i have met and interacted. I guess that i have focus too much attention on people whom i want to be in my life, neglecting some minor character that could been a great friend for me. Even though i had only thanked only one person so far, but i guess it is never too late to really express my graditude to all my friends and families, who had brought me so many lessons, experiences and laughter.

I just wondered in my 20+ years so far, if i ever made any differences in another person life. It would be sad to just die without making any differences in this world.

Story

2009-01-20T22:36:00.002+08:00

I know there has been many stories going around the Internet, and maybe i have read this story somewhere, but the impact is still there.

From one of my friend profile,

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her then she could see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, “now that you can see the world, will you marry me?” The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him.

Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying, “Just Take Care of My Eyes Please.”

This is how humans change when their status changes. Only few remember what life was before, and who has always been there in the most painful situations.

Today in History

2009-01-20T12:49:00.003+08:00

In case no one cares, today is the day that Barack Obama will be sworn in as the 44th President of the United States. Not that i really care because i actually support Hiliary Clinton more due to some irrational "reasons", but i guess having a Democrat president is probably better than a Republican president (again, due to some irrational "reasons").

Since i am really bored with school because that probably gave me some "reasons" to continue to be a bit slack since it is only the second week of school, i decided to do some writing based on selected topic. Firstly, i actually thought of choosing a random topic, ask a few friends to blog about the same topic to see what each of us will come up based on the topic. That can be fun, but i have only asked Eric so far, and it seems that he are not interested at all.

So trying to be a socially conscious Singaporean (whatever that means), i decided to do some critical writing on article that appears in what my old Singapore Society lecturer called -(censored for fear of being sued for slander) - the Straits Times. Today a survey showing that more high income household turning to house brands, normally this is the kind of news i would not be bothered about, because who cares about grocery shopping (maybe my mom does, but she does not read English newspaper). Somehow, my instant reaction to the headline without reading is that this is the kind of propaganda that the newspaper publish, with the aim of trying to tell lower income households that they should not feel that bad just because they are buying cheaper stuff, and see that even those well-to-do household are doing the same thing and this proved that these house brands are as good as those more expensive ones. Nice, free advertising for the house brands. Or maybe the article is really trying to report a trend, and i am just being over suspicious at the agenda.

On a side note, i want to whine why i need to queue to pay for my textbook (although after seeing the queue i did not queue and buy), the textbook seller should be like those telemarketers or roadshow promoters and approach me to buy their product (the textbook)! And since my mobile plan is expiring next month, i am looking for a new handphone which has good camera function and wifi, and looks like the only one available that seems not too bad is probably the Samsung Innov8, but still looking out for more offers!

Wedding Dinner

2009-01-17T00:33:00.003+08:00

Tonight was my cousin wedding dinner and i think it actually deserve a post for being the longest wedding dinner i ever been to (ended like 11.30pm), good attempt at trying to be a different wedding dinner for asking the guests not to stand when they enter the ballroom, for the slowest food service ever, and nice show toward the end where some drunken man or men started punching people and causing a commotion. Even though i hate wedding dinner, still i wish my cousin and her husband all the best in their marriage and future life together.

Companionship

2009-01-14T20:09:00.003+08:00

As one age over the years, situation changes and perception may have a new direction with accumulated experiences thus far. What may be just a simple crush of yester years may evolved into a full fledged relationship or a sad yearning. What remains of the stubbornness during the teenage years may lead to achievements of today or regrets of yesterday. But the evolution of one heart and mind, is a truly unusual one.

The darling of present may suddenly be the cause of anguish of the future, or the frustration of today may be nothing tomorrow. In the end, all is left is just oneself, we probably came into the world alone, and will probably leave it alone. But loneiness is not unique to birth and death, because those who have never been friends with loneiness, never truly knew companionship. But companionship can be a tricky friend, it can deceive oneself from truly knowing his/her innerself, because companionship is like a chameleon, it changes with the environment. The environment can be misleading, because without showing itself, one cannot understand the extend of the companionship. Because we are all actors on the stage, no one truly is able to see their own performance, but only able to judge their performance based on interactions. Living own life in the eyes of others suck, trying to catch up with others suck, trying to outshine others suck, trying to impress others suck, seeing others trying to impress suck. Eventually, the thing that suck the most is the continuous pursuit of a bottomless pit, and me being entangled in the middle of the bottomless pit, thinking that eventually i can actually rise to the top, instead of hitting rock bottom.

Ignorance

2009-01-12T21:57:00.002+08:00

Emotions are truly mysterious, how does one truly understand the rationale and reason of a particular emotion. Thus the phase irrational feeling. But i wonder if emptiness can be classified as an emotion, because if it is kind of ironic to feel empty when it kind of empty. It's weird how feelings can be emptied so fast just by a change of scenery.

Hong Kong

2009-01-10T16:56:00.006+08:00

This is my third Hong Kong trip, and second time i went to Hong Kong with my friends. While Hong Kong is largely the same after 3 years such as the food and dessert is still as good, and going in winter time means that the weather is cool but too dry for my liking. But there were some differences in experience during this trip. Firstly, for the first time in my travel life my flight was actually cancelled. I reached Changi Airport T3 at like 5am, only to see my flight got cancelled.

We got our SATA stickers, and got transfered to another flight on Malaysian airline instead. While the flight fly off 1/2 hour earlier, we reached Hong Kong 2 hrs later because of transit at Kuala Lumpur. O well, at least i did see the airport for the first time. The location of the accommodation is much better this time. Last time i went i stayed at Causeway Bay, at my cousin place, but this time my hotel was near Temple Street, call Dorsett Seaview. While the room is relatively small for 3 person, the location was really good because you are in the middle of places that one would probably visit.

Disneyland was the same except this time the crowd was lesser, and practically don't need to queue for any ride. There was no parade and manage to see some new musical, and the fireworks was earlier at 7pm. The chipmunk mascots were really cute though as compared to the other characters. Ocean park is undergoing some major renovation, with the animal displays all closed down except for the Panda exhibition, but this time i actually tried all the thrill rides, and i must say that for me the thrilling part is probably the height more than anything else.

Also went to draw some lot from the temple there, the Huang Da Xian temple, and after get got my fortune told. The lot i got was just a middle lot, and the soothsayer was talking in half mandarin and half cantonese, so i only like understood like half of what she was talking about. Old event can bring in new experiences :)

Addicted to Aid

2009-01-04T11:01:00.002+08:00

Watch this: Addicted to Aid.

All i can say is these rich bastards are fuckers and should all burn in hell. They might as well be served human flesh for their meals, because that is what they do, eating others.

BBC best documentary of the year

2009-01-04T10:17:00.002+08:00

In my minor bliss of being able to slack at home and do some channel surfing, i chance upon this documentary on BBC, which is a repeat as it is showcasing the candidates for best documentary of 2008. The documentary is talking about child slavery in Africa, which can be found on BBC website at http://www.bbcworldnews.com/Pages/ProgrammeFeature.aspx?id=43&FeatureID=800. I know that there have been many other shows on slavery and i have watched a few before, but seriously watching documentaries of this genre does not make the emotions any less frustrating.

However, unlike the other documentaries i had seen so far, this one actually provide another perspective, that instead of just condemning child slavery (which should be and the show did), it actually ask the viewers to not see the local child slavery from our perspective as citizens of developed countries, but rather from their own perspective. While many children were bluffed into child slavery or sold unwillingly by their parents, some actually see this as a chance of a different life, that by working they would have the chance to earn money and eventually able to have enough to go to school. Of course every child has their own story and each family has their own problems, and it is by no means sufficient to generalize the plight of each child. I find it rather irritating when parents tell their children whenever they see such situation on tv or out traveling that if they (their children) don't study hard they would end up like these child worker or how lucky we are as compared to them. I do agree that we are lucky, but does it necessarily means that just by a stroke of unluckiness that these children ended up in poverty? Furthermore, these children are not worker by choice because they HAD to work not because they decided to work just to get money so that they can buy more commodities like teenagers of developed societies. Child slavery has nothing to do with performance in education, and the link between child slavery and education is probably because many children were duped into working for their master with promises of an education.

I think that child slaves are probably the lowest of the human food chain, even lower than those children living in poverty. But instead of feeling sorry for them, i feel more towards the exploiters of child slavery. While child labour can arguably be necessary at times for survival, child slavery is totally a different matter. Profits and revenues seem to have so much more lure than the compassion one might feel for another, such that a man would have no hesitation in controlling the lives of children just to get money. Murderers get death sentence for killing another man, but are the sins of these exploiters any lesser by making the lives of many a living hell. I was always told that life is never easy, but the fact is it is made harder by other individuals just because they feel that they have the ability to do so to further their interests. But in the case of these children, they have no chance of fighting back, because in the world of money, money is everything and even people are merely commodities.

Late at night

2009-01-02T02:12:00.003+08:00

It's weird writing this post 2am in the morning because it has been a long time since i am up so early. I am drench in sweat simply because i am feeling so freaky hot, and i had to endure it simply because i am running a fever and apparent the solution to it is to sweat your fever out.

Fever must be one of the most irritating illness one can get apart from things like sore throat where one experience intense discomfort. To make matter worse, my neck has been aching for a few days, and fever tends to make your bone and body ache more, which kind of amplify the pain. Considering i have not had fever much for the past few years, but for the past 2 months i had once every month, and the last time i had fever is just 2 days ago.

To make matter worse, i am having diarrhea for the past few days too, and apparently fever + diarrhea can be symptoms of something more serious if it includes vomiting, luckily i have not been vomiting. Must be all the chocolates and prawn crackers that are making me sick, time to eat more plain food and stay healthy before my Hong Kong trip!

Last day of 2008

2008-12-31T21:49:00.004+08:00

2008 has been a year of ups and downs. Maybe because it is the year of my zodiac (which i only found out like a week ago), that why so much happenings this year. The highlight would be probably my SEP to Finland, and all the traveling really broaden my horizon a fair bit. Despite not achieving my main aim of the SEP, nonetheless it still managed to bring me relief on many parts. How much did i learnt during this year, i would really say nothing much because i probably can't really express the experiences in words, but i guess the most important thing that one can learn is to move on with your life based on all the decisions one had made.

I am glad that at the end of the year i managed to catch up with friends whom i had not met for a long time, and having so many friends around me for my birthday. Really grateful to everyone for being around. 2008 will be the year where i travel the most, and even in the upcoming 2009 i would be going to Hong Kong for a simple trip.

The new year usher in new uncertainty, especially with the economic disasters around the globe. But i only hope that within the storm there would be safe harbour to dock, and my life can finally calm down and my mind and heart can finally unite together. Life can suck, but the people are always the ones who make it better. Life is hard, that why all of us need someone by our side to walk down the path and offer support to each other. I would extend my gratitude to all who had listen to my endless whining everynow and then and still continued to listen. In the upcoming year, hopefully things would be better for me so as not to bore others with my whining. Probably going to have an early new year eve night and not going to stay for the count down, but at least i would still wake up to a new year. Quite a different scenario as compared to the previous year, but i would look forward and leave the sorrows of yester days to the forgotten memories.

Mid Life Crisis

2008-12-17T10:21:00.002+08:00

As all the knowledge goes, in these days since the dawn of the Internet, almost everything term that you google will come up with a wikipedia entry. The first line in the wikipedia entry reads: Midlife crisis is a term used in Western societies to describe a period of dramatic self-doubt that is felt by some individuals in the "middle years" of life, as a result of sensing the passing of youth and the imminence of old age. If you continue to read on the entry, they will offer some factors that lead to mid-life crisis, followed by some of the characteristics.

Individuals experiencing a mid-life crisis have some of these feelings:

search of an undefined dream or goal
a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished
desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness
need to spend more time alone or with certain peers

They exhibit some of these behaviors:

abuse of alcohol
conspicuous consumption—acquisition of unusual or expensive items such as clothing, sports cars, jewelry, gadgets, tattoos, piercings, motorbikes, etc.
depression
paying special attention to physical appearance
trying to attach themself to a youth

I wonder how many people who are not in the middle years of their life but yet experience these kind of feelings. All these feelings are rather common i believe, although not so much of the behaviors. I do feel these ways every now and then, but i guess it is more of a "feels like i have wasted the past ___ years of my life doing nothing productive, and achieve nothing that actually enhances my current situation". This occurs especially more so when certain things that you have been doing for a long time and you suddenly just decided to stop it, without having anything else that interests you to do in the meantime. For me, currently my study life is ending soon, but i realize that i do not have any goals for my future. While not knowing what jobs you want is quite common, but due to the high inertia in my system, i prefer not to probe into the region of future uncertainity. There are so many things i actually want to do, probably learning some musical instruments, more languages, photography and even dancing, but sad to say somehow i am a person that refuse and unwilling to do things alone. I guess most things in my life happens either because i was forced to or someone actually asked me to go alone. I learnt Japanese because 2 of my friends wanted to learn, and we only studied for 3 mths. I learnt guitar because a friend decided to learn, and i stop when my A' levels came. I went for diving because an army mate is going and asked if i want to go along. I learnt driving just because i was kind of forced to go, or rather told to go and i really hated driving manual car in the beginning, and even now i don't really like to drive because of the heavy traffics.

While certainly i am not in the middle age of my life (at least i hope not else i probably will be gone by 50 or something), i am certainly lost at the crossroad between the transition from studying to working. So many people has told me that working suck and life will be so tired and boring after that. But hopefully from all these negativity, working will give me the finanical power to move out of my parents' house and maybe rent a place somewhere with a few good friends, and actually might have a chance to have a more interesting life, and might be the start of my real life in society.

Injustice

2008-12-10T15:12:00.002+08:00

I was reading about the plight of some Chinese workers in Singapore and the ban on "tomboy dressing" in Malaysia, and remember a bit of my conservation about the current economic disaster that is happening now.

Since i am taking Introduction to World History for the past semester, i actually had the chance or maybe forced into reading a bit more about Socialism. While some people have not much idea about Socialism and might think that Socialism = Communism including me, i think if i may conclude that Communism is a subset of Socialism and Socialism has other components such as Utopian Socialism or whatever. Well, the lure of Socialism is obviously not how the entire country can all suffer together while the communist party members have a better lifestyle, but rather the lure that instead of competition to get things done, people will co-operate to make our society a better place. Capitalism has always advocates the invisible free hand of the market, and we all know how that free hand just went about around the world wiping away banks and companies. After so many years in the Singapore education system, i am really sick of endless competition. Like i said with reference to my study in NUS, either i can be really good and spent tonnes of hours in my studies and do really well, or i can climb up on bodies of other people so that i will do better because others fare worse than me.

So what are all these talks about economic, blog posts and Socialism? All of these are actually bound together in a cycle, a cycle of injustice that most of us know, but we chose to ignore it, just because we could. In the endless competition in society, where companies seek to better their profits through exploitation in Third World countries, they have brought upon injustice to a lot of people. Like how some part of society in Singapore were being marginalized because they were deem unproductive to society, the unforgiving culture that we have made it such that should one ever fail in the society, it is very hard to stand up. Like how if i ever fail 1 of my semesters, i would probably see my honors gone. I would probably argue this is the case for the economic woes, where banks and bankers alike because of intense competition to grab more clients, chose to lend their money who people who obviously cannot financed their loans on their otherwise too large house. It is because of management of companies who because of their greed, spent much of the company funds on otherwise unneeded luxury spending. And all these, is the state of our capitalism, where the weak become obsolete and the strong takes even more away from the rest of the population who already have so little.

However, the main problem here is the state of our social conscious. While i acknowledge all the injustice going around, when i think about the alternatives i would rather sweep the injustices under the carpet. I feel bad about the construction workers and cleaners who take low pay and long working hours, but i rather them be the one than me being the one who is doing it. If i am running a company, in order to keep my business competitive i would want to pay lower wages too so that i can earn more. We have to know that a lot of things we own is not possible without the exploitation of some parts of the world. The bonus of the employees of MNCs come from the low wages of the workers of the factories in Third World countries. We have people so desperate for jobs that they would work long hours and low pay just to survive because we want to save wage costs. We prefer having poor people around so that the jobs that no one else will do would be filled up. We rather the farmers growing our food earn less so that we can pay lesser for our food. All in all, we accept the injustice going around the world because we are on the receiving ends of the injustice. We have somehow benefit in different ways by turning a blind eye to all these problems. We chose not to look at these problems because it seems unsolveable, and attempting to solve it will result in our standard of living declining. Morals and ethics, we have study so much but yet the invisible hand of society is truly powerful, to cover our eyes to all the injustice.

Suddenly out of no where....

2008-12-10T13:55:00.002+08:00

Today is another day of boredom and sianness, and while talking about the topic of job recruitment, i went to google a bit about my ideal scope of job, which is in the area of renewable energy. Why i decided to choose this area? The reason is kind of because i wanted to work in an area that enables me to work overseas, because most renewable energy companies tend to be in Western countries. Obviously the starting step would be the asia headquarters of these companies, which are based in Singapore. But then, after looking at some of the bigger companies job vacancies, i don't really have an ideal what i want to do. Worse of all, after thinking a bit further, i seriously don't see myself doing anything after i graduate from university.

Well, when i said i don't see myself doing anything after i graduate does not mean that i would just sit around and do nothing. I see nothing of myself in the future, not even continue to play my MMOrpgs, being around with my friends nor even doing something i like. It really feels like nothing exist in the future, like i will not be around to even bother to think so much about the future. Likely might be due to i have not live my life outside things that i had to do because it was obligation. Like how i have to go through the education system years after years after years, and when army came it was just something i had to "serve". Feels like for my past 24 years, everything i have done is just follow through, and whatever else i do for my suppose "hobbies" are just something extra. Going into the corporate world seems so near but feels so far.

Finally an update!

2008-11-25T22:26:00.002+08:00

I decided not to continue blogging my Europe trip, because it is making me lazy to blog about me, thus neglecting my blog. So i decided to blog about my otherwise boring life now.

Well not exactly boring, apart from being exam period. I have been watching a new drama, skins. It is a British drama that evolve around a group of friends, that live a rather dysfunctional kind of lifestyle full of drugs, sex and tonnes of swearing. Yet beneath all these problems, the drama truly reflect the kind of problems that we face in daily life, although we might not necessary experience all the problems being reflected. Another thing i like about the drama is how each episode is focus on one character in the series, like kind of introducing each character in a different way.

The drama is full of humor, nice music and nice sex scenes as a bonus. But i guess the most important thing is the diversity of the character being protrayed in the show. So who is the character that i like the most? Definitely is Maxxie. Maxxie is a gay character inside the show who is a dancer, and seriously the fact that he dances a lot in the show really makes me envy of his dancing talent. Damn, i just cannot stand people who can dance and sing well, worse of all is good looking. Maxxie is acted by 19 years old Mitch Hewer, and i am really a fan of his talent now. Currently he is acting in Britannia High, which i am watching too and is a musical drama, i so really into dancing at the moment.
Another character i am interested in is the role of Cassie acted by Hannah Murray. The character is kind of a crazy character, having problems with eating and always talking in a really dreamy and phase out way. The drama is about friendship, family, love, youth, school and everything that one will experience in their life. Interested to watch? Can go www.surfthechannel.com and search for this to watch :)

Lapland III

2008-07-31T11:28:00.009+08:00

Continuing from my previous posts on my Lapland trip, apart from the various winter activities that i participated in, the next most memorable one will be the climb up some mountain in the hope to see the Northern Lights.

So why the memorable event, not because i did see the Northern Lights and in fact i did not, but rather it is memorable in a bad way. As far as i remembered, i think i almost froze to death in the chilly night and on the mountain itself, the heavy snowstorm along the snowy cliff did almost scared me to death.

Walking along the night and cold path, we ventured off following some Greek guys and hopefully can catch some glimpse of the Northern Lights. Well... obviously in the dark night, any form of light is very obvious, but the natural wonder will not just appear for us, but some man-made light did brighten up the night.

After some tortuous walk in the chilly weather, we finally reached the top of the mountain, where there is only endless layers of snow which comes up to knee level waiting for us and a damn snowy weather. While we attempt to use my camera on a tripod to take some picture of us, the weather prove to be too windy and cold, such that my camera start to malfunction a bit despite being weather resistant.

As seen from my face, i am definitely not enjoying the weather at all. After this we went to a nearby building, which seriously look like some spooky place in the middle of no where.

Look at the amount of snow on the building, feels like it is from the last Ice Age with all the snow look like some rotten snow.

What is a winter without building a snowman!

While it is not the exactly figure of a snowman, but i guess everyone kind of get the idea. Of course in a typical Finnish kind of winter, there must be the famous Finnish sauna! Although i am not going to post any degree of naked people, so no sauna pictures! After 3 days 2 nights of fun, time to leave the icy land in the north to return to the less snowy Helsinki.

Signing off in the snow!

Final Year Project

2008-07-30T09:15:00.002+08:00

Today is the release of my FYP result, and the project that i got is ................. Social computing: understanding social interaction and networking in games! Although i cannot remember if this is my first choice, total there is 1 student who put this as first choice, 3 students as second and 1 student as third choice, so with my lousy cap, i think it might just be my first choice.

So the first thing i have done after knowing the result, is to reread what is the description of the project. The description is as follows:

Playing game becomes one of popular activities nowadays. There are many different motivations for gamers to play game. One of the reasons is people like to get together socially especially for massively multi-players online role playing game (MMORPG). The project aims to use engineering tools to understand gamers’ latent behaviors in terms of spatial and temporal factors. The students will develop programs to parsing gamers’ data from one of existing commercial games (World of Warcraft). Social networking and in game behaviors will be analyzed after data collection. The students will work closely with other social scientists in MXR*.

*The Mixed Reality Lab, one of IDMI Lab, is aiming to push the boundaries of research into interactive new media technologies through the combination of technology, art, and creativity.

It is suppose to be a software based project, and the pre-requisite is script based programing language (eg. XML, LUA), hmm... actually i am not really familiar with either of these :/

While i was thinking of sending a email to my supervisor asking for any details for the project or any thing i just like start studying or learning now, i decided to google a bit about him.

My supervisor apparently is a new comer in NUS, Dr. Henry Been-Lirn Duh. Some facts about him from what i found out on his website which apparently is done by dreamweaver because his website is titled dreamweaver template, he graduated from Human Interface Technology Laboratory in Washington, and went to NASA-Johnson Space Centre as a postdoctoral fellow involving in virtual reality training project (quoted from his website). He is also a serious gamer and was listed in the ladder of Diablo II and Age of Empire (quoted too).

Woah quite impressive i think, and his discipline is quite broad with all the listed research, courses he taught and the publications he participated in.

Guess i better email and ask for more details, since i feel like i am lacking in some knowledge.

The Dark Knight

2008-07-28T10:12:00.002+08:00

I must confess that i am not a big fan of batman, so i was The Dark Knight is not on my must watch movie list. In fact, the only reason why i watched The Dark Knight is because of a boring afternoon with no other movie to watch. However, i guess once in a while the good reviews about the movie does fit in with my taste of movie, and i must admit that it is a brilliant movie.

Despite being a lengthy movie (total play time around 153 mins + crappy GV advertisements which add up to almost 3 hours), the movie at no point of time is boring, and almost every scene is filled with exciting and almost relevant plot. There are a lot of deeper meaning behind every execution, which not only makes one relate to real life situation, but also consider the definition of things in life.

For example, of course we know that batman is a hero, but in the movie he is considered a villain and was outlawed. On the other hand, the hero of the city, which eventually became the villain two-face was never regarded as the villain because no one knew about his dealings in the end. So what is the moral of the story? I never truly comprehend the phase "Knowledge is Power", because can i survive my hunger by just knowing about history of the world or even any form of economic knowledge? However, i guess that the phase is not bounded by the physical limitations of our human forms, but rather extend to a greater sphere of wisdom. Simply said, we believe only what we know is true, but the truth may not necessary with the total truth, and sometimes truth can be subjected to interpretation or even adjustment due to cultural differences. Having the knowledge, one can control how much people have access to such knowledge, or even manipulate the knowledge, thus there are notions such as propaganda. As the famous quote by Joseph Goebbels, Hitler propaganda minister, "If you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth".

The style of the villain joker is also kind of not typical of villainous characters. While most go for personal gain or sadistic kind of plot, the joker does everything and anything for no particular reason. And this i believe, is the most dangerous part of our inner logical system, because effectively, there is nothing more dangerous than the lack of reasoning in our actions. Because it is such logical reasoning, that serves to prevent all hell from breaking loose. Imagine one day i am driving on the road, and for no particular reason i decided to stop at the pedestrian crossing, and when someone cross it i decide to accelerate and knock him/her down. Each of us are in possess of dangerous items, and in fact our body is already a dangerous weapon. Without the proper mindset, everyone and anyone can be a dangerous character.

While The Dark Knight has a dark touch and trigger many thoughts, i am looking forward to corny entertainment like Mummy 3, obviously not for the plot but rather for the fantasy and mysterious touch of the movie.

Macau

2008-07-26T22:19:00.004+08:00

Since i'm back from Macau, i guess i better blog about the trip first before i forget the details like my Europe trip.

The purpose of the Macau trip is not exactly a vacation, but rather to attend the Shure Asia DC Meeting, although sight-seeing is involved in the program. The hotel that i stayed in is MGM Grand Macau, and apparently is a five stars or six stars hotel, and the bill truly reflected its many stars.

Basically the meeting is really kind of boring for me, because the topics are really not relevant for me, not to mention i really have no purpose there except my dad wants me to go. Anyway, i have a taste of Portuguese mix with Chinese food, and i must say the result is nothing spectacular, although i have not really taste authentic Portuguese food.

The sight-seeing is quite bad actually, because after coming back from Europe, the sights in Macau is really nothing. Even the icon of Macau, the Ruins of St. Paul, is really just a piece of wall. Not that it is not beautiful, but it is not magnificent. So what is there in Macau, nothing much really, not even shopping, because the lands are too filled with casinos to have anything else. Basically, from high up at Macau tower, i am guessing majority of the higher buildings are casinos, and seriously the gamblers are mostly from Mainland China, and everywhere you go you never lose sight of them.

While i was indifferent to the building of the integrated resort in Singapore, now i truly feel that casino is bad... just a feeling coming over me...

Lapland II

2008-07-21T12:57:00.011+08:00

After hours and hours of bus ride, we finally reached our destination Levi Ski Resort. The weather was kind of different, as i expected it to be a lot colder than Helsinki, since it is further up north and obviously from the surrounding, everywhere was covered with layers and layers of snow.

Our accommodation was 2 cottage, with a kitchen, dining place, living room, attic where the sleeping area is and of course sauna! Since it is a winter cottage, obviously there will be a fireplace to keep ourselves warm, although with modern technology radiators are available. So, with my scouting expertise we started a small fire, however this small fire triggered the fire alarm because we did not open the chimney airway, and ended up smoking up the entire place. Luckily for us, no fire engine came as we managed to open the airway in time for the smoke to clear.

Most of our meals are cook by us, so some of the easiest things to cook are of course pasta!

So what is there to do at a Ski Resort, of course skiing! There are two kind of skiing, downhill ski and cross country ski. Basically downhill ski is skiing down a hill while cross country is skiing across flat ground. Cross country ski seems a lot easier because the equipment seems lighter and more convenient, while downhill ski looks more for professional.

See the difference in the size of the shoes used for cross country ski and downhill ski, not to mention the amount of pain i had to endure wearing the downhill ski boots. While kind of enjoying ourselves or maybe killing ourselves trying downhill ski, the temperature drop from around 0 degrees to like -13 degrees, reaching a minimum of -15 degrees!

What other interesting activities are there to do in the snowy weather, definitely snow mobile! Snow mobile is really exciting, maybe not so much for those who drive a motor bike since i find it rather similar, with the speed trill but in a snowy environment. We were provided coveralls, which are really warm and able to protect us from everything that is going to come at us.

Next stop is Reindeer farm, although since it is late at night we only see one reindeer and took some pictures with the cute animal.

Enjoyed a cup of hot chocolate and some pulla in the wooden cabin.

Although me and my partner are the only ones who didn't have any form of accident, everyone managed to get back to the resort in one piece and of course i enjoyed it a lot.

Well... i should not cramp everything into one single post, so on to next post to continue Lapland!

Lapland

2008-07-20T22:19:00.008+08:00

It has been a long time since i last blogged, not that i am busy literally, but really i have stuff to do. Maybe not many of my friends know, but when i need to do something that is not routine, i kind of need more than average time to actually start doing it. In scientific term, i have very high inertia for activities that are not routine to me.

And since i have not blog much about my SEP trip, maybe now is the time to slowly summaries the entire trip thus fast. My last SEP trip blog is about my trip to Estonia, which happened on the first weekend of my semester. The next trip is to Lapland, which is northern Finland, which is full of snow.

Start of Lapland trip, at Helsinki University of Economics Club in Helsinki

After a tedious 10+ hours of bus ride, we finally reach the first stop of the Lapland trip, Santa Claus village.

Seriously there is nothing much at Santa Claus village, which is totally commercialized which so many souvenir shops. Probably the only thing you can see is the Arctic circle line, taking picture with Santa old man and sending a post card from the post office which bears the Santa chop, or even send a postcard that will be delivered the next Christmas.

Distance to the various major cities in the world, including Singapore!

After Santa Claus village, we continued our bus ride for another couple of hours and finally we reached Levi Ski Resort!

Ok that is all for now... next will continue the episode of Levi Ski Resort!

Chinese

2008-04-25T18:40:00.002+08:00

Ok... so today is like the third time people asked me if i am Japanese. Not that it is a bad thing, but rather i feel that Singaporean somehow will not have an identity of our own in foreign lands, as in when "ang mo" thinks of asian looking, it will be either Japanese, Korean and Chinese. Well... i am a Chinese, but not a PRC Chinese but a Singaporean Chinese. That when i thought is Singaporean Chinese an identity? Well identities such as Spanish, Korean or Germans reflect well on their origin, but a Chinese that is not from PRC but Singapore? I wonder if it is the same as a African American or something....

Movie Taste

2008-04-21T05:02:00.002+08:00

So i have not been blogging about my stay in Finland, because i am so busy playing game again because of my new character. Effectively, this has made me spending a lot of time not doing anything constructive, from studying to even cooking a decent meal. I know i should be doing something more productive, but my mind can't seem to settle down since i came back from my travel since Easter break.

However, as usual despite me not blogging much about my travel, maybe not yet or not going which all my traveling photos can be see from my facebook account, tonight i have finally caught Kite Runner the movie, and i am really in the mood to do some writing of my own.

So for those who have not watch Kite Runner, i would seriously recommend it if you are those who are into the more storyline serious kind of movies. As far as i know there are hardly anyone on SEP with me who are appreciative of such movies. So far almost all the movies that they watch at my place most of them actually fall asleep watching, or maybe it is just the late night.

But anyway, the point after watching the movie is relating to my thoughts after traveling around during the past months. If there is anything that i have learnt, is that the world is not a safe place. Ok... kind of sleepy so though it's bad to end of in the middle of nothing..but who cares anyway!

Enneagram Personality Test

2008-03-07T20:19:00.000+08:00

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Type 3	Image Focus	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Type 4	Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%

Your main type is 8
Your variant is omni

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

type score type behavior motivation
3 14 I must be impressive and attractive to be happy.
6 14 I must be secure and safe to be happy.
8 14 I must be strong and in control to be happy.
1 13 I must be perfect and good to be happy.
5 12 I must be knowledgable and independent to be happy.
2 11 I must be helpful and caring to be happy.
7 10 I must be high and entertained to be happy.
9 10 I must be peaceful and easy to get along with to be happy.
4 9 I must avoid painful feelings to be happy.

Keskiviikko - Wednesday

2008-03-06T04:29:00.003+08:00

Keskivikko, which means Wednesday in Finnish. After finish watching one movie, was in the mood to post something on this blog after so many weeks of laziness. This week is my mid-term test week, and i have 3 tests + 1 assignment to submit, but after this horrible week will be good.

Will be heading to St. Petersburg next Thursday and returning on Sunday, and the following day will be starting my easter trip, which includes Stockholm, London, York, Manchester, Liverpool, Dublin and Riga. The entire trip last more than 1/2 a month, and probably will cost like 600 Euros. April will be my Greece trip, which will last 4 days.

So i am suppose to be studying for my last test, which is on Friday, but as usual after a suxy test today i decided to reward myself, that is just to slack for tonight. Been watching Prison Break and studying at the same time since last Saturday, and i have actually finished season 1 and 2 up till season 3 episode 13 by Wednesday morning. This month probably going to be more peaceful with the entire group quite separated due to all the different traveling plans. As usual, due times like this i can't help but my brain will starts to wander.

So what is my first motive for coming on SEP? I remembered during my first year in NUS, when my father and my sister kept telling me to go on exchange program if possible, i was quite reluctant to go, because i was scare of going alone, and after being relatively alone for the past few semesters the feeling really suck, even though i kind of got use to it. Luckily, quite a number came over to Finland for exchange, and therefore there are many companions here. Weirdly, when i first decided to register for exchange program, my motive was to just to escape, escape from the boring NUS life, lonely study life and of course the potential departure. Somehow eventually it turns out to be quite effective, studying in TKK is more interesting, though some lessons are quite boring but nevertheless it is so interesting when you keep going traveling during semester time. Being busy just take your mind off stuff, even though somehow i got more confuse, but i decided to deal with it with anger rather than sadness. O well... since i'm in Helsinki i should post some pictures of famous area in Helsinki....

Ok so just one picture of Helsinki Cathedral... seriously nothing much in Helsinki lol.......

Updates...or maybe not

2008-02-05T05:20:00.000+08:00

Lazy to update stuff...but for photos just check them out on my facebook.