Tuesday, July 11, 2006

11/7 Tuesday

11th of july, i sense maybe why i do not like to be apparently alone with people or like to go out for that matter, or is it just another screen that my sub-conscious came up with or i just imagine it to be false. The extent of my mind running wild when unoccupied is truly ridiculous and it messing up my connection with the otherwise unaccepting reality.

Thinking, is probably the reason of all my hesistation, with time truly becomes the inertia of my decision making. Yet when i force myself to stop thinking, fate will not allow me to. I came home, beaten, and thought to myself that yet again in an attempt to protect myself i might have to hurt someone again.

Night, seemly so long that it has almost become day. I sense, or rather acknowledge another mind, 4th perhaps... that seems to be so laughable. Questions, i do not seem to wish to answer or the 2nd and 3rd minds or issit the 1st, seems to block and tempt to block all my attempts and to misguide me. Occupied, seems to be the way to integrate all my thoughts, but yet i cannot seem to understand.

I seem to be aware now after so long, but will i suppress it or let it run loose. I search for my past for experiences but yet i find none. Conflicts, is the balance but why does it immobilize me. Who are the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and maybe 4th, issit creations of my mind or things that is just normal.

Well... back to earth here... happy birthday to Ailian tommorrow... :D

No comments: