Thursday, July 20, 2006

Direction in life

So i wondered, what is it feel like to be 100% sure, i thought i used to think that i might be a teacher one day and go back jss so i can be one of the scouts teacher-in-charge because i had to much fun inside. I used to think it should be good to be married early to ensure that there will not be much generation gap between parents and kids.

Then again somehow somewhere i lost some parts during my slacking times in NS where i probably lost my direction in life. Now when i thought that my university life can be just like my secondary school or junior college life where i just need to study and not worry about other stuff, but i was wrong about that. I suddenly found myself needed to slowly try to help my dad with his business without knowing how, and both my parents are almost at the age of retirement while i'm still anyhow spending money. Maybe i haven't found what i want in life, or maybe i haven't even think about it. Some parts of me wants to help my dad because i don't want him to continue working at old age, but some parts of me refuse just because i do not want to do what i'm being forced to.

Maybe it is my level of confidence which i sense is somehow affected by my studies. Then again i feel like i just want to be left alone, but as usual i dunno which thoughts are actually what i'm thinking and which are what i'm dreaming.

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