Misery

Doing thesis is really kind of making me mentally strained to the max, relatively maxxed at least. It was then, suddenly i realized that my life is kind of miserable.

Not miserable as in there are bad things happening to me, at least not literally bad things. I am content with my life, i have nothing serious to worry about except just to do my best for my last semester. It is the kind of misery, that your life have nothing to look forward to, really nothing. In the past, even without the big things to look forward to, there are still the smaller things. Even like playing mmo, it is something that i can look forward to and still feel a sense of achievement.

Now, i just dont have any strength to want to be interested in anything. Despite trying to be interested in stuffs around me, my under-achieving is really getting to me. Some people might think that i am not trying hard enough or should put in more effort, but little did they know that my effort is in making sense of stuff, not using labor hours. What am i not making sense of? I am not making sense in my reactions, my ideologies and my path. I do not understand why things have to be so hard. Eric told me that a hard life build character, but i somehow feel that i have too much character, too much deviance character. I just hope that the end of my university life will be the end of my era of under-achieving. I need something to look forward in my life, some goals to accomplish and probably some people to spend my time with.